Do you have a good relationship with your team members, especially junior members? I can admit with vulnerability that I want to be liked by them and more importantly, feel approachable and like a good leader. However, there are times I feel like my team is being a fake version of themselves to please me, and not trying to foster a real bond or a good working relationship. Should I even care as long as the work is getting done? I do care, is the problem. Also, my jokes are genuinely great :D

I have with most juniors but also understand that given my position they may not have maturity to handle my directives. So the relationship needs to be tweaked accordingly to work. Eg I no longer interact with them directly on projects but have 1-1 on how I can help them with career aspirations, learn more about them as people.

Have you ever received executive coaching for leadership? I suggest this to leaders, esp women.
Few things to consider:
- due to power dynamics, a bit like parenting, you can’t be bff with your staff (to be clear I am not equating both - just giving an example for illustration)
- Leadership isn’t a popularity contest
- Staff can also be backstabbing individuals with hidden agendas. I have seen some being spying agents of other leaders trying to get intel on you (on the latter - my mentee came to me with this problem)
- you have to understand power dynamics, maybe that’s what you call “fake”. Consider researching this from behavioral scientist, org psychologists, tons of books, article and YouTube videos
- Lead with empathy but stay firm and unbiased in your decision making
- you must maintain healthy boundaries with your staff, again mostly due to power dynamics
- being “nice” and being “kind” are different concepts
- do not trauma dump on your team to seem relatable/approachable

If you don’t have access to coaching, spend a few hours on YouTube researching. There is excellent information out there

Good Luck

I think it's amazing that this is a priority for you. Already gives me the sense that you are a great leader and approachable. Why do you feel like they're being fake? Are they fake laughing at your bad jokes? :P Maybe your jokes aren't as good as you think.

As a professional, I would never interact with my boss the same way I interact with my family or girlfriends on the weekend. But our work relationship is great, and I find him very approachable and a fabulous mentor. Why? Because when I bring him issues/barriers, he helps me navigate through them. When I need advice, he's there to listen and provide guidance.

Would I tell him his joke was ridiculous? Absolutely not. 😆

There is a power imbalance.

Your junior team are taking their role seriously by respectfully following your lead. That’s great.

It’s overreach to expect they act like they enthusiastically like you too, TBH.

I really appreciate this discussion. And I feel you , OP. I do think there can be a respectfully friendly and comfortable working relationship with all levels - your leader, your peers and the people you support.

You don’t need to be friends but you can be genuinely friendly and empathetic. People work hardest for leaders who are authentic and sincerely care about them and their goals - even when that means you have to tell them what they need to do differently to be successful.

I believe a person can lead effectively AND be human/personable.

The higher up you go the more fake your subordinates will be. Your power means they have to show respect, and that will often not feel genuine. Everyone’s just tryna keep their jobs. I love that you want to be a great leader and liked by your staff, but you have to remove this concern (of what they truly think about you) and just know this line will always exist.

I feel like most people at work don't care to have a real relationship with each other. As long as the relationship is civil and there's no animosity, you're already in a good place. But if you are very passionate about having a good relationship, why don't you have an open conversation about it and express your views?

F