Hey ladies, I need some uplifting. I NEVER imagined I’d be facing down a decision to do IVF. My mom had 3 kids in 4 years, ending at age 35. My grandma had my dad in the 50s at age 40. I’m 36 and been TCT for 1.5 years. 2 IUIs, many letrozole cycles, and even acupunture.
The toughest part for me…I’m a practicing Catholic. I am so worried about if we have extra embryos and what to do with them. If you went down this path, how did you handle it mentally? TIA. I’m progressive on a lot of issues bu

As a Christian I was faced with some challenges about Ivf and if it’s what God would want us to do. We found our 2 years into trying naturally that my husband has unobstructed azoospermia and Ivf was our only option. The advice I have is just pray on it. I believe God calls us to go forth and multiply and ultimately we decided to move forward. I’ve done one retrieval so far and we only got 4 eggs. 3 ended up healthy embryos but the first 2 transfers failed. We are pregnant now with our 3rd embryo and little blessing. God will provide for you in the perfect way as he intended. 🤍

You may be able to find a doctor that would be willing to freeze eggs and fertilize them one at a time. It takes ages - what you see other people posting with the boards of the eggs, matured, fertilized, etc. that happens for them in weeks, would play out for you over months and be very expensive. I really considered it. I’m not religious, but was really hard to wrap my brain around a mass attempt with leftover potentially viable embryos.

I don’t know Catholic doctrine on this point, but I’ve really been struggling with some of my religious friends discussing this issue in the context of my recurrent pregnancy loss. The viability thesis playing out in my uterus that people get from a lab in IVF is catastrophic to my psyche with so many pregnancies ending in a loss. I have so, so much more compassion for how anyone chooses to engage in the process and hoping you peace in your decision.

I'm glad I came across this post. I was struggling with the same issue around fertility and the catholic church. I am in a different boat, single female 33, no partner. I am considering egg freezing due to some complications and I struggled with the decision give my religious. I asked this in a church ladies group and the reception was crazy, I was called aside and told conversations against the doctrine are not allowed and I should ask this in 1:1 not in such a forum.

I have decided that I will go ahead with egg freezing. It was partly the realization of how much "suffering" the church makes women go through and the realization that if God has put a desire to have children in my heart and there are solutions to enable that, why would I choose to inflict a suffering on myself. I'm doing it.

I had some other health issues come up years before my infertility became clear, so when I got to IVF I’d already dealt with a lot of what you are describing. I recommend therapy with a provider focused on infertility and understanding of your Catholic faith. That type of specialized therapy over 4-6 months really helped me. Plus potentially meds to help with anxiety and/or depression. Regarding the embryos, you can freeze them indefinitely. That is always an option and is entirely valid. Or you could donate them to another couple in need.

I was in a similar position as far as the moral dilemma. I talked with my husband, and we agreed to not destroy embryos or donate them to science. I talked with my doctor and also expressed my concerns, and she respected my position without questioning it. We ended up with 5 embryos, thankfully all euploid. It has taken 3 embryos to get to a successful pregnancy. 2 left gives me a chance for a sibling; for us, we are not doing a 2nd retrieval. The only option in my mind if I couldn’t transfer them all myself is donation to another married couple. That is all in our paperwork as you have to agree and have all that in writing beforehand.

I was worried about it too… but honestly IVF is so unpredictable. It turns out I had endometriosis, which was the root of most of my issues. I have 3 healthy toddlers now. 3.5 and 2 year old twins. While it really wasn’t that long ago, it now feels like a lifetime ago that I was in the IVF trenches.

Not to scare you, but I did 3 egg retrievals over 2.5 years, 7 transfers with PGT normal embryos and our last transfer was with our last two PGT normal embryos (which they almost NEVER do…) and I ended up with twins. They’re amazing and worth it all.

There are so many big decisions, and it’s so personal… but wishing you all the best on your path to parenthood.

I had a similar moral dilemma. I wish I would’ve explored other options before jumping to IVF.
Look into Dr Chris Stroud — he’s a catholic OBGYN and practices a different technique for fertility. He’s active on social media as well.

https://fertilityandmidwifery.com/dr-christopher-stroud-obstetrician-gynecologist/

This is definitely a tough decision but is part of the ivf journey. It’s also very hard for your dr to predict the number of embryos you’ll end up with at the end. Are you doing ICSI and/or testing embryos? Typical fallouts are below (however I just had a retrieval and I was well above in certain areas and far below in others)

70-80% of eggs retrieved are mature and can be fertilized
70-80% will fertilize with ICSI, 50% natural fertilization
50% make it to day5,6,7 blast
If testing 40-60% normal embryos based on age

On average, majority of folks end up with 1-3 normal embryos and my clinic recommends 3 pgt test embryos per child.

From the fabric we wear, the food we eat, the food containers, the cosmetics we put on and even the fragrant candles ... it's all filled with endocrine disruptors. Maintaining fertility has become a daily combat we can't stress about as the cortisol will also affect it. But it's not over until the fat lady sings, in other words until menopause... The bible is filled with women believing they were too old to procreate that God surprised.

Completely understand your stuggle because we were in the same predicament. I had two ectopics that caused me to lose both of my tubes and never did I imagine going down the path of IVF. I was about to do an IUI right before I ended up with my 2nd ectopic. I'm in my 40's and just finished my 2nd IVF cycle. Honestly, the numbers are so stacked against us as we age that the odds of having a ton of healthy embryos leftover is unrealistic. My first IVF cycle I had 4 mature eggs and only 1 embryo that made it and it wasn't healthy. This cycle I had 10 mature eggs and 2 embryos that made it. Praying it goes well because I don't plan on doing a 3rd cycle since the expenses are all out of pocket for us. I didn't do pgt, because of my faith, but had I done it with the first one I wouldn't have had to experience such horrible pain when the uterine lining starts shedding from the implantation. I do recommend doing at least 2 cycles because the 1st cycle is more like a test run where the doctor is seeing how your body responds to the medications. Since you've already done IUI's your situation may be different. The 2nd cycle they made adjustments to my medications based on information from the 1st cycle which led to better results. My husband and I both wish we started waaay earlier, at the latest 35. Again our beliefs kept holding us back. Through this process God has shown me that He is in control of everything no matter how it happens! He is the one that gave doctors the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom to even be able to perform these procedures and I'm VERY grateful we had the opportunity! I say GO FOR IT! Please do NOT delay! Someone I know warned me not to delay but because they didn't have a relationship with God I didn't listen. I figured I was different. Yeah right. Huge mistake! The facts are what they are.

Life on earth is very short for us. We are here to love and be loved. To create family and have our legacy live on. There is nothing wrong with doing IVF to fulfill your family and your heart. I hope you go for it and complete your family! God knows what's in our hearts, Take advantage of services that amazingly intelligent scientists and doctors can now provide. I wish you luck!

You can always place your extra embryos through embryo adoption. There's a Christian agency called Snowflakes that will not permit the adopting family to discard any embryos (revert back to you if unused).

There are two ways. Many replies you have got that essentially denounce the catholic faith and the Church lead you one way. Trusting God with your sufferring and the difficult situation you and your family finds yourself in will lead in another way.

The choice is yours to make. Remember that God loves you always. But He also makes it clear that creation of new new life can never be separated from its natural circumstances in marriage without endangering your conscience and soul.

T this has been emotionally very difficult for me.

How does Catholicism view compassionate transfers or whatever they're called when you transfer at a point in your cycle that it would be almost impossible for it to take medically (e.g. in the luteal phase)?

My older sister is a practicing catholic too. When I told her I was doing IVF, she said I was committing a sin. She said this right before my first FET. I was born and raised catholic and thank GOD I reverted to Islam few years before my IVF treatment! In Islam IVF is permitted 🥰 I don’t go to my sisters home anymore due to her prejudice. ..

You do know the Catholic Church officially opposes IVF? If your religion is influencing your feelings about an embyro, how are you explaining away that medical intervention is OK in the first place? Wouldn't this be considered God's will?