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I once snarked back in an email to a partner who was known around the office as a huge bully, particularly to juniors and other women. I was her latest target after I had made a big mistake on a matter. But in that moment I got fed up. Critique is one thing, bullying is another. I felt like I’d rather be fired than continue to be pushed around/out by her.
She mostly left me alone after that. Bullies can dish it but they can never handle it. They’re all cowards at heart. Remember that.
Unless the bully owns the firm or is a rainmaker.
One time, I yelled back, and the partner was so taken aback he called me later to apologize
Bowl Leader
I was screamed at as a 1st year by the of Counsel that I worked under on a lot of deals. She’d scream over anything, even things I actually did right. One night she screamed at me over the phone so loud for 25 minutes that my wife could hear from the other room. I had a meeting with the managing partner the next day and he asked how things were and I just told him everything. He had me report her to HR and removed me from her matters and forbid her from contacting me.
I left that firm as soon as I could after that. Now as a senior attorney I’d never tolerate that type of behavior. They’d have another thing coming if they tried to raise their voice to me today. I can go scorched earth today if necessary.
Yes. It wasn't satisfying.
One moment was satisfying though. I was yelled at, and I told him that I would resume the discussion when he was less emotional. (I was the only woman in the firm).
I’m not yelling at anyone. Yell at me and I’m looking for a new job. That’s it
Honestly makes sense
Does it matter if you’re literally yelled at versus harshly and unjustly criticized in a soft tone? Both are uncalled for!
A junior (maybe even a first year? I don't remember) was yelled at by a senior partner in my office, and the junior yelled back. It was iconic but the junior was pushed out the following year, which felt (and still feels) unfair.
Fairly standard for our occupation.
At trial lead partner was preparing to continue a cross he started the day prior. He swore he used a document on a specific topic and wanted that same document. After reviewing the transcript it was clear that he hadn’t used any such document. Understanding the context of how he wanted to use it I found other docs that covered the topic area and provided those to him. He asked if it was the one he used the day before and I said no you used no such document. He proceeded to curse me out and tell me I was ruining his trial. After other partners backed me up he looked at me and said “If I making this up in my head you need to say so” I yelled “Your making it up in your head!!”
He left it alone but in the team meeting that evening he blamed me for not telling him he was wrong soon enough.
Early in my career, I worked in a small boutique firm. The senior partner could be volatile. After a couple of months, there was one meeting where he harangued a couple of us. We’d learned to just be quiet and “let the storm pass.” But this time, I was so fed up that when I returned to my office (next to the sr ptr), I threw the files and books (yes, we actually used books back then) into the chair next to our common wall. Well, the chair banged into the wall with a huge sound. He never bothered me again.
Yes.
Didn't get fired; practice manager tried to pretend they couldn't make any promises that I wouldn't have to work work with the partner again, despite us all knowing I didn't need to work with this partner to make hours and that the partner didn't have the clout/a volume of work sufficient to demand I work on the little work they did have, over other work I got elsewhere, anyway. Didn't lose out on work from other partners.
The whole situation did make me realize I wasn't being treated the same way my colleagues were being treated in a broad sense, and ultimately led me to finally sort out my life and leave for better pastures
Pro
Twice. Once because that was the vibe with a rough and tumble client. He respected me more afterwards.
Once with a boss who had gone WELL past the point of “reaming me” on something that was actually his screw up, and I dished it right back in his face. When he then blew up at me for my tone, I merely asked in a deadpan something to the effect of, “oh was that not the mutual vibe we were going for? Wait, you were intentionally going past the bounds into territory frowned upon in the employee handbook?” It was tense for a few hours, we cleared the air, and much like the other occasion he respected me more afterwards.
But as great of a story as it is, I cannot say those are at all the norm…
Don’t yell back. That will only escalate things. Say “I can see you’re very upset, I’ll come back to give you a chance to calm down so we can talk about this calmly”.
A psychotherapist should say that, not a coworker..
I was on a phone call. CEO and CFO were in a room at headquarters, Division President, Division Finance and I (head of Legal) were in an office at our largest facility. The call was a follow up to a call we had the previous week, but the CEO didn't remember that, and tried to have the same meeting a second time. I tried to steer the discussion to the follow up instead of having a rerun, and the CEO blew up. He insulted me, my ancestors, the Legal profession, and my future descendants, and invented some swear words after he used the ones already in the dictionary. Eventually, he ran out of breath, and I sort of brushed it off. "As I was saying..."
Over the next couple of days, I probably had 30 people compliment me on how well I handled the CEO meltdown tantrum; that seems like a high number of people aware of the conversation,considering that only 5 people were on the call.
About a year later, the Division President (who was great at closing deals with customers) got scapegoated by the CEO, and lost his job. Then our share price lost 80% as our book of business shrunk (CEO also thought commissioned sales personnel should not be earning more than CEO, so he revised the commission schedule downward and the successful salesforce quit and took their accounts with them), and the CEO and CFO got replaced. I remained there for four more CFOs and 3 more CEOs, and was the last US employee when that facility closed.
Yes
I still would work for multiple Attorneys than a doctor or surgeon anyday!
Author, I have been told by non-medical personnel who work for surgeons that doctors tend to develop a God Complex. A patient's life or death is literally in the hands of a surgeon, and because that surgeon calls all the shots in the operating room, they get conditioned to think that they should call all the shots on everything, even if it's non-medical and is totally beyond the doctor's area of expertise, such as whether their side business should be an LLC or a PA.
I think it is important to differentiate between 2 scenarios. If I screw something up and get lit up by a superior for it (within reason) I eat that and learn from it. If, on the other hand, a superior screws something up and blames me or buckles under the stress and lashes out I am going to stand firm.
Today I see younger attys who don’t want to hear anything critical regardless of any mistakes they may have made.
There's a nuance and tone to the whole thing. Treating someone like a Wal-Mart cashier or a fast food worker is not acceptable, especially for a job that requires all the hoop jumping being a lawyer requires. I'll own up to stuff on my own or see my errors but if you try and yell at me, that will just make me despise you and think you're an obnoxious jerk living down to the worst stereotypes. This is probably why I'm better as a general counsel or the owner of a place.