I feel like life is passing me by and it’s because I’m workaholic. I’m in a leadership position and making really good money for my background, but I always feel like it’s never enough.

I have three kids and my wife is staying at home mom. So there is some financial element to me making sure I progressing my career but at the same time I feel like I’m always working. I think part of it is the job but it’s also my personality.

are there therapists that could help with something like this?

I’m sure there are, but here’s some free advice. Start small. Pick something important to your family - one thing.. a birthday, a sports event, your anniversary… whatever. Something at least a few weeks in advance. Make it clear it’s a higher priority than work. Tell your team they need to live without you for a few hours or that one day. Don’t start with a long vacation or it will backfire. You just need to see the world won’t end without you there for a day. Then you will be able to work your way up to weeks.

Unfortunately, the alternative to doing this through self discipline is it will happen because of a tragedy. Loss of a parent, etc. when you have no choice. And then you’ll regret it took that long and you didn’t spend more time with the person you lost.

Yes I think so but don’t have first hand experience with therapists. Just came here to encourage you to recognize this voice inside yourself as it’s telling you something important.

I come from a family with 3 kids, my dad is a banker, and my mom quit her work in finance to raise us. Throughout my dad’s career, he sometimes turned down promotions that would mean much more pay but much less time with us.

I can tell you as a child that benefited from my parents’ decision making, it’s great that you’re taking a step back. Both you and your wife must make sacrifices from your independence and success and are building relationships with your children. It’s very difficult, but doing it right pays off. Your kids will remember your decisions!

Therapy helped my dad a lot. Totally recommend. Good luck!!

I am, or whether was, right where you are. Although I am nearing the end of my career. No one at their retirement thinks ‘golly, I wish I spent more time working’. But many will say ‘I wish I spent more time with my family’. I learned my lesson late - but it sounds like you have lots of time to reprioritize. Not saying you should ‘cruise’ at work - working hard is still admirable. But never (or rarely) at that expensive of time with your family. I am now 63 and wish I made more memories with my kids.

First of all - congratulations on coming to this realization. You have insight, which is no small thing. It means there is an opportunity for change.

Often, workaholism is a product of being struck in a narcissistic worldview. That is why the money is never enough - because self esteem and self love comes not from a place of security but from measuring oneself against others.

Your situation is common in consulting, but unlike many you recognize the problem and are ready to change. I was stuck in the same thought loops around money and comparing against others. Time with my family was somehow shallower and less enjoyable than it should have been.

Therapy has changed everything. I committed to doing the work and looking deeply at my upbringing and the patterns and anxieties passed down by my family that were preventing me from enjoying my life. For me, healing did mean accepting a lower level of compensation professionally, but I have learned that it is more - way more than enough. My kids and family are so important to me now and I treasure every moment with them.

It is hard work but this is a journey towards taking your life back. Good luck.

Also, it is important to prioritize making the most of the time you do have with your family. It is common that high achieving parents will see their family as another workstream in their life rather than the joy of their life. In this view, parenting is a bunch of boxes to check off.

One common example is prioritizing going to every game or recital. While this is a nice thing if possible, it is often severely stressful for the working parent and is not actually spending time with your child. Furthermore it reinforces conditional love - they are only worthy of the parent’s attention when they are performing.

Sure go to the games when possible, but don’t feel the need to go to every one. The best family time may be spent doing nothing at all - just hanging out at home and being present for your children. There are many ways that freeing oneself from a “check all the boxes” mindset can make space for both career and family life.

Not sure a therapist is the right question here. Sounds like you want to adjust your priorities. Only you can do that.

All of us are trading our precious time in exchange to make a living. Do you have enough saved up to be able to take a break or another role that is less demanding?

I think a coach could be a good option, and they may also recognize when you'd be better served by a therapist too

I recently saw a LinkedIn post from a very senior executive. He said he was retiring and will now have the time to spend on “ what matters most” to him. And then he referred to his family.

I was saddened to think that he waited all his life to spend time on what mattered most rather than do it much earlier.

This is tough to do so in the beginning. But you have to learn to say no and pass on since things at work. Try saying no to small things and you will feel the joy creeping back into your life.

Much kudos to you for recognizing this and posting about it. Many like the senior exec above realize it only at the end.

I have been thinking about this too; I’d ask myself what is it that I would regret the most after retirement? Think what would your future self see as an obvious path you could’ve taken?

There is a good life coach named Jerry Henderson who is great at getting high achievers to re-examine priorities and become more alive.

I feel sorry for you

I frequently ask myself - if I die tomorrow, am I going to have wanted to attend that meeting I really didn’t need to be in, or have been with my family? Asking myself that question often helps me to rebalance.

I'll add that after I left consulting, I realized I did let life pass me by, and quite a bit. Live in a major city and had lost touch with friends, didn't have any go to bars or fun places, and a lot of what I'd done the last several years I didn't remember so well because I spent so many weekends catching up on sleep.

I'm so happy to hear you are recognizing there's an issue and want to fix it. I was in a similar situation and used a coach from Lyra. They have a lot of resources, but you have to do the work, it's like having homework from school. You will need to watch videos tailored to your needs and your goals and also answer questions before each session, but I found it really helpful and was able to accomplish what I wanted in few months. It's not an overnight solution, you need to do the work and stay focus on what you want. Best of luck!