I have a toddler boy who feels impossible to discipline. He plays rough. Doesn’t listen. Gets in tons of trouble at every program I’ve ever sent him to.

He’s been evaluated (for what’s appropriate at his age), is in OT and I’m trying everything I can. But man it’s tough. I feel so guilty that I have to work and can’t be with him every day to help manage his behavior better.

What worked with your little boy?

This was my son (turned 3 in January) til I started just wrestling a TON every day, giving him more perceived control (options for the dumbest things, normally I’d just grab a straw and give it to him with his drink but I ask what color he wants now), I have a bunch of toys that help him meet his sensory threshold - a spinning chair toy he loves etc. I limit TV, very slow shows if we are watching (like Winnie the Pooh. Paw patrol makes him possessed). I also give him lots of textured foods like crunchy, sour, spicy. He loves it and it helps his oral sensory seeking. I rarely do food coloring, random garbage food- lots of whole foods stocked always. I’m super present in the time I do have with him, and my connection at school pickup is priority undivided. I also include him in as many adult activities possible so he feels higher self worth, he loves to vacuum and help me cook. I took a parenting course that helped me have much clearer boundaries and show up with leadership. It’s by ABANaturally, Jenna Mazzillo on Instagram. She’s a BCBA and teaches about behaviors, motivation, etc. He’s soooooo much calmer now. He used to literally melt down for 2-3 hours a day after school.

Get him outside burn that energy off. Lots of hugs and plenty of rest time too. This too shall pass

How old? Ages 2-4 seemed impossible. Ours turned a corner at 4. I had #2 right before my son turned 2 so attributed a lot of the tantrums and craziness to adjusting to a new baby, but maybe it was just the age. The older he got, I explained why he couldn’t do things in simple, age-appropriate ways. “No, you can’t touch the stove because you might burn down the house.” Before it was just “No! Hot!” and he would cry and throw a fit. I also started giving him exciting freedoms and new responsibilities like peeling and mashing the bananas for banana bread, watering plants. Agree with what others said about prioritizing exercise, sleep, nutrition, no/low screen time. He gets one 7 minute episode of Bluey a day. He sleeps 11-12 hours at night and either naps or does quiet time in the afternoon. We taught him if he wants to scream, scream into a pillow. If he wants to hit something, punch the (plastic blow up) punching bag. If he wants to throw something, throw stuffed animals into a basket. His behavior is way better than it was. Discipline in our house includes time out, taking away toys, taking away privileges. Raising kids takes so much patience. Hang in there!

Honestly, it just got better with growing up and maturing. We had to switch daycare from play based where he was allowed to do whatever he wanted to more structured and disciplined. At home, going extra mile to have very defined boundaries and be consistent in our approach. The best and only discipline that worked for him was taking away his toys and him having to listen to earn them back. OT also helped a bit but not a ton. Good luck!

Echo some of the other responses. Plenty of exercise, limit tv (way way under the aap guidelines, sparingly, seriously this is hard in the moment but worth it), stick to predictable routines and make sure you inform them of changes (timers and count downs really help). I do think they outgrow a lot of this as they mature. Hold space for the meltdowns and make sure you do not give in to them - let them happen - get some loop ear plugs and they will learn to regulate, it takes time and it’s not always easy. Hang in there, you’ve got this!

Get him in gymnastics and martial arts! Ours is very physical as well and excels in those classes

at this age, tv was only allowed on the weekends 🤏🏾

Qr

Great feed back, will look into placing my twins in martial arts 💪🏽

Janet Lansbury has multiple podcasts episodes and blog posts about this topic. I found her to be super helpful.