I was recently asked by a relative if I wanted to be added to a group chat to help plan her wedding that will be in two months. On top of the demands of my job, I am also in an intensive language class that I’m barely keeping up with. Beyond that I am dealing with personal struggles and simply do not have the mental capacity or energy to also be part of planning a wedding. I responded yes please add me and once I know what it entails, I will let you know. Her response was to accuse me of not

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Sounds like you need to just say no. If other people villainize you for taking care of yourself, they are villains in your life. You’re not a wedding planner.

likehelpful

Your response was reasonable. Brides to be need to realize that other peoples’ lives don’t stop when they are preparing for their weddings. Guest attendance/family & friend assistance is a GIFT.
Do only what you can to help if you care about the relative, but take care of yourself.

likesmart

Definitely just say no and move on.

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It’s crazy to me that someone would try to have family plan a wedding for them for free.

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It is crazy to me too. And wow I would feel like she invited me just to get me to DJ. Not sure why people feel so comfortable to be entitled to others’ free time and labor.

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Her response was to accuse me of not wanting to be there for her and mocked my vulnerability in sharing I was struggling. I have not been part of a wedding before so I don’t know exactly what this will entail but I was willing to find out and then let her know. For ladies who have been married, am I being unreasonable here? I feel like I’m just trying to make it through the days with everything I have going on, but the relative and the mother are keen on villainizing me for my response.

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Why does your aunt, who I am assuming is a full fledged adult and likely older than you, need help planning her own wedding? I’d help with running small errands where my schedule allows it, but to help plan the wedding is a wild ask in the first place.

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No problem, I appreciate your response A2. I had a long week too last week.

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I would just agree to be added and chime in very rarely. That feels like the path of least resistance. Her feelings are hurt.

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I repeatedly said to her to please add me to the group so I can figure out what is needed and if I can contribute. She responded that she will only add people to the group who are “all about action” and doesn’t want any “lurking.”

That’s a big nope. Protect your mental health. I’m in a place where I only say yes to things I know I’d basically butt in on anyway. If I’m not that excited about it, I don’t have the energy.

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Thank you. Even in my best times this isn’t something I would be excited about to do. I hate planning and coordinating events. So the fact that I was still willing to find out and see what I can do is huge for me.

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