I work for a great company and I manage a group of high performing rockstars. However, I recently had an encounter with my direct leader and his peer that has left me feeling less and less confident in myself, where I can take my career and if I really want to stay in my current role or company. In a casual conversation over lunch with these two gentlemen, whom I am pretty chummy, we were discussing one of my female TL’s who has been rising through the ranks in short order. (Cont in comments)

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Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Can you switch to another team within the firm if you really want to stick around? Or maybe find a female leader to work for?

Sounds horrible to me and if you don’t have like a HR system for reporting this type of things, I really doubt that it’s a great company by the fact that they hire people with this kind of value and tolerate this type of behavior.

Don’t play by their standard when it’s obviously a horrible and unfair standard. Not to tell you to confront them directly, but definitely don’t doubt yourself when other people are being idiots.

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Girl. Get out or report. And make sure she knows about the comments too.

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She does a good job, and I can see her doing great things. My direct leader mentioned she will “excel in leadership, she has the looks and a great figure.” Aside from how wildly inappropriate that comment was, I am feeling pretty defeated. I am not exactly rising through the ranks despite exceeding performance standards and having a loyal team following (have been in sr mgmt for 3 years), and don’t have the “beauty” he has implied (slightly overweight). Is this why I haven’t been able to make the next promo jump? I now feel more like total crap about myself and what I bring to the table and if I am just throwing everything at a career thats unattainable due to my looks. And keep thinking any future opportunities in my org would be offered to this other, less tenured/experienced woman. How would you handle this? The self doubt is strong today!

I would look for other jobs at a different company and alert HR to the behavior on my way out.

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