I’m a second year attorney and I feel like all I do is work and it’s really the only part of my identity. When I’m not at work I just bed rot and scroll. I’m just not sure how to fix it — I can’t really say no to work projects or cut back my hours, and I’m just so exhausted that it’s hard to socialize, date, or even find activities to do myself. Advice?

I get it. As a 6th year I’m leaving in a few weeks for a job with more balance. It’s scary imagining my identity changing without work being everything I do and everything I am. I am single and childless. Just had a breakup as well.

It gets slightly easier (but also harder) the more senior you are. When you’re a junior (in a large firm) you’re not needed except to do grunt work nobody wants to do. But when you’re a mid level you can delegate some work and manage it down. You also have a bit more trust if you’ve been in your firm for awhile and start getting a sense for what is truly an emergency and what isn’t/have some ability depending on your firm to choose which partners you do work with. You get to know your firm and its expectations. In some firms as long as there isn’t something imminent in the next 2 days a simple fast response you’re working on it will buy you some time to enjoy dinner for a couple hours with your friends/spouse as long as you work when you get home.

I won’t pretend I found the balance. I didn’t, and I’m leaving. I worry I’ll carry the same mentality I got at this job to my next job with WLB and work just as much.

This should be temporary. You’ll get much, much more efficient as you get more senior, and you’ll be able to manage more and delegate more. I found the first 3 years to be grueling, but then I turned a corner around year 3 to where I had more control over my schedule. There are still client fire drills from time to time, but it’s not this endless slog.

If it’s too much for you, that’s OK. That’s why the comp is high, to incentivize people to do it. It’s not for everyone, and that’s totally OK.

Here is what I’ve done to help me embrace the free time I have (as a fellow doom scroller!): Block off two hours every single week on the same day of the week. This is your “you time” - since it’s a planned activity, you can work around it/stand by the boundary except for actual emergencies. Keep a list on your phone of activities you’d like to do during this time: a walk, painting, puzzle, dinner with a friend, getting your nails done, etc. and actually do one each week. Add to this list when you are deep in work and tell yourself “man, I wish I could be doing XYZ right now!” I also joined a trivia team - nice casual hangout with friends every week (where if you have to cancel for the week, it’s not the end of the world like a softball team or DnD)

Following as I log off at 1:30am on a Sunday morning 😭😭😭

I felt the same as a 3rd year. And I got a dog to try to help get me out of the house and set boundaries at work. It did not help. It has made things worse. (My dog is loved and appropriately cared for; it’s me that suffers with 0 free time).

Work bed scroll. 37+ years in.