I’m a single mom in perimenopause with a child who just started kindergarten. I was a super good mom to a baby and toddler (good at listening to my instincts) and “knowing what to do” with my child and when, and so far I’ve raised a happy and healthy kindergartner. I mention perimenopause because I feel way more tired more often than I used to. My parenting issue is that I often feel now like I don’t know what I should be doing with my kid outside school hours (cont’d in comments)

I keep reminding myself that my parents did not play with me all weekend when I was little and I had a great childhood. I had both parents and siblings, so acknowledging that there’s a difference, but my Dad would take us on a hike on a Sunday and we’d run errands with my mom on Saturday and we’d play cards as a family, but a lot of the time, us kids were on our own in terms of finding fun. My best friend lived across the street until I was 9 and we spent hours and hours playing at my house or his, largely without direct supervision (parents were home, but doing other things), and I loved it. I also lived in a place with limited TV, so that wasn’t an option - we had to make our own fun. Truly some of my best memories of childhood are the hours we spent in the garden or each other’s rooms, or in the woods at the end of the street. It seems like now kids don’t spend as much time with friends when they’re early elementary, and I don’t like it! Thankfully my oldest has a local friend whose parents have a similar philosophy and so they have lots of unstructured playtime together. My youngest two mostly tag along their games, but at 4yo, they still require more direct attention to keep them safe.

So, I’d take the pressure off yourself to provide entertainment all day and maybe try more play dates.

First of all, the mere fact that you are thinking about these topics means your child will be absolutely fine. Also, they seem to have a nice balance of developmentally appropriate activities already. If anything, you may look into group based play or sports activities for the sole purpose of giving yourself some time to relax or do other things. Also, I highly recommend HRT. I should have started it when the night sweats started. Life changing.

I’m here to give you some encouragement and praise. You are doing fantastic!!!!!! I’m a mom of a 16 and 10 year old and the 10 year old is a little busy bee. I think it’s great that you are able to keep your kid engaged for most of the weekend, but it is totally normal to want to do some adult things. What worked best for me was inviting my kids’ friends over or to go to the park with us or some other activity. That allowed my kid to have someone to play with and do all the kid stuff and for me to have some grown up time. Bonus points if you connect with the other kids’ parents and become friends with them. Then it’s a play date x2! Also, it’s not to early for recreational sports / swim lessons, gymnastics lessons, tennis, rock climbing - they don’t have to be on a team or going 4x/ week, once is enough.

All that being said, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as is.

Edited to add - I also started playing board and card games with my kids because that was something I enjoyed as well

Following. My kid is 2 but to me it sounds like you're doing everything I could possibly hope to do as a parent of an elementary school age kid. Curious to hear others' thoughts.

If you’re looking for something physical but but chill, our daughter really loved soccer shots (super low key, non competitive soccer “classes”) when she was in pre-k/kinder/first grade. Her classes were Saturday morning at a field next to a playground so we’d stay after class and she’d play with her teammates, then sometimes go grab doughnuts.

We also signed her up for ice skating lessons and she really loved that (our whole family skates) and her lessons lined up with a public skating session afterward so she’d stay to skate with her new friends from class.

I'm also a single mom going through perimenopause so this really resonates with me. I would just add that something that helps me is to have babysitters that are younger and can play with them sometimes. I have a standing saturday babysitter for 4 hours in the evening to either give me some space to just watch regular tv/movies (not spidey) or go out with friends for an early dinner. I think it is great to have some space to miss each other while I recharge. It makes the time together more special. I find myself excited to see them for Saturday night bedtime and special breakfast on Sunday. I know it can be a luxury to have a babysitter so finding a local high school or college student you can trust is so great - especially if you are just ordering them food and they are playing with your child while maybe you are in the next room until you are comfortable. Good luck and I wish this wasn't anonymous so we could ofer more direct support.

I don’t have “instincts” or a sense of knowing about how to care for them or what we should be “doing” all weekend long. I feel kindergarten is still too young for regular extracurricular sports. They love to swim but seem terrified to try the bike without training wheels. They enjoy some art and sticker activities but nobody can do that for 8 hours on a Saturday. We read a lot and go for walks and don’t have much screen time. I let them watch maybe 3 hours total of TV over the weekend. I’m kind of tired of all the museums and zoos and I myself no longer want to spend my entire life engaged in children’s activities. I want to be an adult and take care of what I need to take care of. But I have this sense of missing out or this fear that there is something I “should be” doing with my kid that I am not, or that I’m depriving them of something. We also bake and do yard work together and my kid even enjoys helping me clean the house. What is going on here? Should I be doing something else? I feel guilt my kid isn’t more physicality active maybe even though I am usually tired? Is walking and swimming enough?? What do you do with your elementary-aged children?

Your child is always going to appreciate you and your sacrifices when they get to adulthood! Transition to a real school can be tiring as you’re getting used to a completely new routine, while your child starts to grow up faster as a result of kindergarten.

For weekends, it’s okay if you’re not filling it up with activities! Maybe look to enroll into things like Kumon where there is homework and more emphasis on learning and studying. It can fit nicely into weekend routine.

I have a 2nd grader and a toddler.

Personally, I think you’re already doing a brilliant job. You mention a ton of activities that are all teaching them something and engaging them in life. I also think there’s a lot to be said for letting your kid get bored sometimes. Let them create their own fun. Maybe dig around in their toys and get out some they haven’t used for a while — if they rediscover them, they might invent new games. Keep doing what you’re doing and go easy on yourself.

You are a parent not an entertainer. Your weekends do not need to be 100% about your kids. Take them on a chore. Read a book while they figure out their own entertainment.

By focusing on entertaining your kid you might be accidentally depriving them of independence, creativity, and a chance to see important life skills in action.

Do you know how many hours I spent in a Home Depot or at the oil change place? Hair salon? By myself in my room? Your kid will be just fine.

Just to echo everyone else, you sound amazing! I found play dates stressful but enjoyed sports. My kids played soccer with the same kids for years and, looking back, I really enjoyed the hours on the sidelines bonding with the parents. We swapped stories, shared advice and offered support to each other through the years. It gave me adult time I didn’t realize I was missing.

Echoing the great work you’re doing in practice and on contemplating your own needs and your daughters needs and the balance in between. Have you read any books on Montessori philosophy? I think it would make you feel like doing chores together and getting on with the day, while sprinkling in kids activities, is actually productive and something kids love doing too - helping out and being part of real life.

US writer, it’s sounds like you’re doing a lot. from what you shared anyway. It’s good to have something outside of caring for your child that you can look forward too. Book club, exercise, lunch w friends- something.
I also believe we parents don’t need to keep our kids engaged and busy all day. It’s okay if kids get bored, in fact bored kids often rely on their imagination to escape the boredom. A strong imagination transfers over to other soft skill development. It’s actually quite important. Good job!l, mama

Make an appointment with MIDI health.

Thank you all so much!!