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I’m at an east coast firm on the east coast and get questions after 9 still…
Yep! Try to spend time in the mornings together, and do the things you care about most early in the day (working out, doing something together, maybe having breakfast instead of dinner together). That way the most important (to you) stuff is done no matter what fresh hell awaits in your inbox during the day. Then you can also pick a weekday that’s your log off early night where you block your calendar and devote time to them. Other nights understanding is you may need to work.
You could also just set a boundary that between X and Y you are unavailable (and block your calendar) for dinner. It may not happen every time, but it can happen more.
Unfortunately, perfect predictability is just not possible in the profession.
Pro
Can you just respond on your phone with “sounds good, I’ll follow-up” or “got it, I’ll send the revised draft in the morning?”
Pro
So, I would try it. People are in all different time zones. I don’t expect responses from folks I work with in Japan, Hawaii, etc outside of their business hours. I would absolutely try it and wait for someone to tell you it’s a problem.
In a similar set up, where I was on the East Coast but working with a West Coast team, I explored starting my day later, so I worked closer to PST hours.
After working with one supervisor for some time, we worked out that I would log off by X time, otherwise I ended up working longer hours than folks on the West Coast.
Just admit defeat and buy his love like the rest of us. It seems to work for kids, spouses, family and friends.
Dude 9 pm is fine you could be working 9am to 12 and you’re effectively working 11 to 9, that’s a deal
F