Ladies, what did your husband do in initial months after your wedding that made you feel like you were in the honeymoon phase. My husband is ambitious, has two businesses and isn’t able to give attention or time and I wonder if I am asking too much from him. We are just 6 months in and I don’t feel connected with him. I want to be supportive but asking 30 mins a day, is it a lot? Totally understand if the day is busy but catch up next day or something?

I can’t relate being in the thick of several toddlers but just know this problem will be exponentially harder if you plan to have kids

Not much. Watching TV / movie together. Sometimes talk about issues.

To make your life easier, lower your expectations. For you, it’s honeymoon period (I had the same expectations back then). For him, one project is done (getting married), so now he can focus on work.

You're not asking for attention - you're asking to be in relationship with someone. A relationship requires communication, quality time, effort on both sides. If you've already brought up therapy and he shut it down, his actions are telling you his priorities. I'm not sure why he got married if he doesn't want to spend even a half hour with you every day. What does he want here - a wife he can come back to every night and keep without any effort, like a bird in a cage?

No one is busy when you are their priority. And, everyone is busy when you are their least priority.

Was he like this before you married? Why did you marry him if this is a deal breaker? I just have a lot of questions. Either pursue your own happiness, life, career as heavily as he does or move on as in annulment. It may seem extreme but it is 100% an option. I recommend individual counseling to work out your expectations and perspective...then trying the other options/solution with annulment as the last option. I would explore whether these are marriage growing pains or a crack in the foundation. There are too many women who waste years trying to work a situation that eventually ends in divorce. Not saying this is you but if this is worth reaching out to others about then its something that should be addressed. Good luck!

30 mins is totally reasonable, and all the more essential if you are getting basically 0 throughout the day (eg no texting or little check ins). Put your foot down. If he really pushes back, go to couples counseling.

My husband works long hours too, but we will still text a couple times throughout the day, and 9 times out of ten, we have dinner together, with 0 work happening. We also have at least 15-20 to catch up before bed too, even on his worst days

We also have a lot of quality time on weekends. If your husband still doesn’t want to give you even 30 min on weekends- it’s time for couples counseling.

Focus on yourself and pouring into yourself, taking care of yourself, etc. instead of having expectations of your partner is something I’ve learned the hard way. You shouldn’t be the one chasing him and begging him for more time.

30 mins a day is not a lot at all. We have a baby and even then, we steal minutes throughout the day to text, hug, cuddle, give each other a kiss. We make sure to go to bed together and that is peak quality time. When i'm on the road, we facetime at night before bed.

Is it consistently like that? How long has it been? Is a change from before the marriage? Did your expectations change? Are there other concerns? Is there anything else that's going on with him or you? What's yours and his attachment style? I'd try to assess the situation to determine what's a real problem and what's just a noise.

Honestly, I don't remember the honeymoon phase of my life.. I got married 15 years ago, and there were a lot of major and even traumatic life events back then, which erased any expectations from anyone.

30 mins isn't much, but I'd scream at any virtue of expectation like that at the moment. We are soooo freaking busy with our careers, kids, maintaining somewhat social life, trying to stay healthy, etc. If spending time together is another demand I have to fulfill - kill me. That said, we try and often succeed. It's just not a "thing". Not an obligation. Different things work for everyone, ofc. I don't believe in all the "happy couples do these 10 things" kind of advice. No one knows your situation, so you decide what to let go of and what battles need to be fought. Good luck!

What did he do to make you feel special before the wedding? What were you expecting? What are you doing to make him feel special?

What unwinds him? He is likely so fullthrottle that when he comes home, he needs to decompress before " rentry". Watching TV may feel like a waste to him, you may think it's together time. You might want to hear about his day, or talk about yours. Go for a run or a walk.

Tell him he has 3 businesses, his two companies and his marriage. If he wants all 3 to be successful, all 3 need his attention. You can't run the 3rd one on your own.

It may be that he neglected the other two leading up to your marriage and now feels that he needs to pay a bit more attention to them. I don't know what you expected or what has changed. But you need to chat about it. I would not take the approach of "making demands ", but rather I married you because I love you. I enjoy your company. I know whether it's a company or a marriage if you aren't intentionally engaged, it may coast along for awhile. But eventually problems will arise. I don't want that to happen to us. I want to talk about how we can stay intentionally engaged.

Honestly, literally nothing changed between us after we got married. There was no honeymoon period or anything that felt different. There are times when we really don't have time to talk for a day or two (especially if I'm on a craft travel project), and catch up with each other as soon as we can. Share a meal or a coffee or a glass of wine and talk about everything going on or just chill in front of the TV if we're just too tired to really talk.

Kind of strange that he can’t even make 30 minutes for his new wife, this would be a red flag for me