Looking for ideas on how I could connect with my teenage daughter who is very intelligent, previous club volleyball player and very fond of dogs and other pets. (She is slightly on the autism spectrum and has considerable allergies that limit her contact with many breeds of dogs). Ideas that I have tried/suggested but have been meet with considerable resistance: card games (Skip-Bo, and others), Pickleball, and volunteering efforts for non-profits, animal shelters)

How would she feel about live arts? Symphony, plays, musicals? A lot of time you can get a season pass to a particular theater to make it a recurring thing.

Read the same book at the same time. Sudoku/other puzzles together or adjacent to each other at a coffee shop. Shopping/thrifting and maybe then crafting with it? Like buy old paintings and paint on top of them. Or buy cool dishes then break them to make a mosaic.

Maybe try asking her what she’d like to do together? Being open about how you want to spend time together because you love her & miss that connection could help too - smart as she is, most teenagers are in their own world & might miss those subtle cues.

As others have said, worth asking her what she’d like to do together or if there’s any specific skills you could both learn together - like cooking / baking, sports, arts, etc.

If she prefers privacy to preserve her “cool” factor in front of her friends - cooking / baking is a fun one to do at home plus a useful lifeskill to have when she goes to college.

I’m going to offer a bit of a different perspective here. Have you thought about giving her some space until she’s ready to connect?

I had non-negotiable growing up, which I have carried into my own family. The first is dinner together every night as a family, no exceptions unless you’re working, and no electronics at the table. The second is family vacation - mandatory, must attend. The third is something I added - family adventure time. Every weekend, we go on an adventure as a family. You can get out of it if you’re working, but that’s basically it. It can be anything from a trip to a playground, going to a new farm, checking out a new coffee shop, visiting a nature center, etc.

My favorite ways connecting with my mom were going shopping for clothes for me, and the conversations we had around the dinner table. I vaguely recall not wanting to have “serious” conversations, but it was easy to chat about what was going on at school, etc. In the quick walk between stores, or the 15 minutes in the car. And the dinner table was also pretty chill. Once a week we watched a tv show we both enjoyed and we actually talked a lot during that too.

My dad was trickier because he was a tough parent. Very judgmental so hard to talk to. We talked at dinner as well, so that was good. But I actively avoided him most of the time because he just wasn’t great to be around as a teen. If this is you, the easiest time for me to talk to him was after my basketball games. When he watched he was always proud of me and in a great mood, so it was easy to talk about the game, etc. If you don’t know much about her sports, it’s also a great way to ask her questions about the game you watched, the rules of play, etc. Keep it short to a short conversation after the game.

Regardless if this is not something you do already, don’t force it. If you get a five minute conversation where she is sharing with you something you freely, that’s a win! Try to make little moments count rather than force a brand new activity, etc.

What are her interests? Maybe start there as there will be more buy in on her part