My husband is having tough time at work, he believes he will lose his job due to a client stealing from the company he works for (he signed the deal with the approval from HQ). He is searching for a new job but without any final rounds so far. Every time he gets an interview he gets so excited and starts already planning moving to the other country. At home everything is on me cos when he gets rejected he just "needs to relax" which means sitting on the sofa with tv and drink. 1/3

So...welcome to being a single married woman. You are correct in your assessment- that if he is like this without kids, then having kids will make this much worse. You are married to someone who is not pouring into you or giving back. It may not be egregious, but that IS reason to leave him. You seem to understand that you're better off single than having this man take from you and not give back. It's nice that you have parents to go back to- a lot of women like myself end up with a man like this because we never had parents we could rely on. Sell the flat. Go back to your parents, save money and let him figure out his life separately. The dog is a good litmus test to how he will care for a child. We had a dog and in spite of him being jobless (because I was the only responsible adult in the house), I still ended up doing all the care for the dog- including taking time off from work for vet visits.

I have an incredible man now who was job hunting, getting his hopes up and then down. That is not an excuse to leave you with all the work. He does all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. I don't lift a finger. And now that he has a job, we are hiring cleaning help.

I think there are times when we have to hold our partner’s hand through whatever trial they’re going through, but this sounds like more than that. Based on what you shared, it sounds like you married a lazy man. If he’s not working then he should be helping around the house more. And if he doesn’t want to help out, then let him fend for himself. He’s not a child, he’s a grown man who knows how to take care of himself, but if you keep doing everything for him, he’ll never grow up because he’ll always expect you to pick up the slack. So stop stretching yourself thin or you’ll grow to resent him. As someone who just had a baby, I can tell you that children will 100% make things harder. My husband is very hands on and we still had to hire a nanny to help out.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. This will only get wayyy worse with kids. When husband was fired (his fault), we had two young kids and all expenses fell on me…daycare, mortgage, groceries, house repairs. I gave him a bit of time to sulk, but then told him that I expected him to do XYZ with childcare and house chores while job hunting. I also supported him with resume review, interview prep and continuation of daycare payments so he can focus on job search. He stepped it up (while still sulking 🤷🏻‍♀️).

You need more than an “overall good guy” to thrive in a marriage especially if you want to add kids to the picture. Kids will exacerbate these issues x1000% and you’ll only become more resentful. Nothing pisses me off more than my husband sitting down and relaxing while I’m running around prepping dinner and caring for kids (while paying 50%+ of the bills?!). To be fair this has stopped. I can say he’s truly my equal partner now but it took time to get here.

Sounds like you’ve given him a lot of grace already and resentment is bubbling with several factors…think you need a sit down to work through these issues. I suggest being concrete & prescriptive (need you to walk the dog 4 days/ week vs general comment about helping out more with the dog).

Triple up on the birth control and look for your first available exit. A man not noticing that the kitchen needs to be cleaned when there are no children in the picture is not a man.

Def get some distance, go to your folks.. let him realize how much he is not doing around the home.. That might just help him realize..
If it doesnt, then separation is not the worst idea. You focus on yourself ❤️Hugs!

2/3 we luckily have no kids, but I feel so tired. Every interview he had we brainstorm, he ask me 100 times what he should do, how much money he can ask etc. I feel like I am doing the interview myself. On top of that i started a new job recently and instead of focusing on that Im holding everything. If he gets fired without a comp we cannot pay the mortgage and living with just my salary. The mortgage is high but he bought the flat before we married thinking he will be promoted and get a better house allowance (did not happen). We are trying to sell the flat but the market is very slow, and all the agent communication goes through me. I just want to leave and go back to my parents because at least there I can focus on my new job and non constantly running around to manage everything. I work late hours esp cos I work with clients in a different timezone, w most of my meetings 17-23h and yet I still stop to make dinner serve it and clean up. Before 17h I run all the other errands if wfh. After I finish around midnight I still gotta take the dog out cos he is too tired, and clean up stuff in kitchen cos he never notices that. I feel so drained. We are in our mid thirties and I would like to have a child but I am starting to question if I should with a man like this. Already everything is on me, I have no me time and if I am the only one working we cannot afford child care. I also do not think he will do much to help with the baby as he hardly helps with the dog.
He is a good man overall but I feel so drained and tired. I have no reason to leave him but I stopped feeling like myself and operate on autopilot. I want to believe he is doing all he can to keep the job or find another one and I know this is hard, but I feel like he is also very picky about the jobs has salary expectations higher than realistic and also knows that I have some savings so we can fall on that. But I had a dream of investing in a property before we got married and didn't do bc I helped him with our current flat, leaving me with not enough for something on my own.
I feel like if I ask for a divorce I really have no reason, but at the same time I feel like if I stay I will lose any spark left in me. He will think I am leaving cos of him losing his job and that would not be true, it is because I am tired of doing this marriage alone while he sits and feels sorry for himself.

Divorce him - he seems like a leech. This will get 10x worse if you have kids with him. Be thankful you don’t, and leave!! You are so lucky you have your parents house to go back to

Could you just stop doing so much? Going to parents seems like a good idea, say you need the time to focus on your new job and you’re so generously doing him a favor by giving him space to focus on his interviews and have the house to himself

Are these jobs in other countries? I'm going through that now- trying to find a job in the UK. I understand that stress. But he does not deserve you at all.

You need to have a serious conversation with him about your expectations. Some of this is likely cultural, which makes me wonder about the reception you would get it you just up and moved home. So, first discuss it with him, and start laying the groundwork to possibly move back home if his behavior doesn’t change. He might just be depressed and your conversation may spur him to take positive action. If he was lazy and not doing his share prior to this crisis, then you likely just made a bad choice in life partners and need to cut your loses.