My husband’s family does a massive Secret Santa every year, and I honestly can't stand it. It's hard enough buying for people you know well, let alone a distant uncle I've met maybe 2 times ever! Anyone else have to participate in traditions they hate because of their spouse's family?

When we were in our 20s, I dreaded the holidays because the extended family would gather at my in-laws' house. My wife's people are Cajun French. They are very loud and fun-loving. The "problem" with that culture is a 4th cousin to them is as close as a 1st cousin to us "Americains." Now that we are in our 60s, I wish we could still be doing that. My wife was the late baby of late baby, so most of the family members were much older than her. All of the linchpins that kept that clan so close are gone. Those our age are pretty much as stuck-in-the-mud and boring as me and my side of the family -- which has also greatly reduced in the past 40 years. My advice? Enjoy what you have while you have it. Make lasting memories because some day that is all you will have.

Dear Diary-

Today I had the world’s firstest First World Problem. It was sooooo hard and made me feel sad. I wish I never had hardship in my life because I’m special but when I have days like this, Diary, sometimes I think you’re the only one who gets me.

… I know! I’ll be resentful of my husband for having a close-knit family. That’ll show ‘em!

Diary, I love me.

Signed,
The Center of the World



Yeah. I’m being a d*ck because you need help. Seriously. Look into a good therapist. You sound like a brutal narcissist and I pity your spouse and god forbid your have kids…

I hope I’m wrong. But wow. So many layers here. :(

Haha awh c'mon, that isn't such a horrible thing. I guess a white elephant would be better so you don't have to figure out what to get for someone for christmas that you don't know well. But I still think it's sweet. I wish my family had more traditions like this

Better than buying something random for EVERY person. Getting assigned just one is the best version of this.

You're a grown adult..be part of the family. When you marry, you mary the family.

I do not have a big or close family by any means, when my husband and I first started dating it was really weird to me to have these big family gatherings. I can’t say that I hated them, because these are all the nicest people you could ever meet, but I was really awkward and it took me a while to warm up I guess. Moral of the story, you might hate it now, but give it a chance and you too might warm up to all of it.

So text Uncle Frank’s spouse or ask your MIL for ideas. As far as family traditions go this is seriously low effort.

They probably post a lot of their interests on Facebook. Have you tried looking them up there? There are lots of generic things you can get too that most people will like. Just give a gift receipt along with the present