My wife has been struggling to find a job for the past few months. She has a bachelor in CS and an MBA. Shes’s 25 and has been actively looking for something. She has been discouraged by the job market and feels anxious at times. I try my best to calm her down but sometimes she feels like her career path is falling apart. She’s been reaching out and networking through referrals but has not had any interviews. How do I tell her it’s going to be okay and what advice do you have for her?

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Why is she not the one on here instead of you?

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In my experience, job hunting is mostly connections and luck. But as someone who's dealt with a fair bit of anxiety both in my life and from the people in my life, here's what I think can help you be supportive. I hope I'm not overstepping with this advice, and there's obviously no one-size-fits all solution, but this is what has worked for me at various points in my life for anxiety and depression in myself and people around me (pick what suits you, I've never done all of these at once):

- Talk therapy. If you're covered for talk therapy it can be very helpful. Assuming you find a good fit.

- If you have a job and and are making good money, make an effort to show you're saving money, maybe more than you need to. Some of our job insecurities come from the precarity of being jobless, show that she has a safety net.

- The other major source of job anxiety is tied to our sense of self worth. It's important to show her she has value and is capable regardless of her employment. Make sure she knows she's smart and competent, and that hiring is a numbers game, not a measure of worth.

- Let her know she has more options than just the traditional "career jobs". Ask your liberal arts friends how they get jobs. Consider looking into public service work for the local town or county (or your country's equivalent). A computer engineer friend of mine manages a small website for a bookstore. Even if it doesn't turn up anything, it helps me to tell myself I'm not trapped by what my 4 year degree says. Skills are transferable and there's more to this world than the cross section we see in our specializations.

- Invest in community (this is the one I struggle with most). Go to community events. Chat with folks of all ages and backgrounds. Make friends. It's not just the two of you against the world. If you're religious, go to a local church, temple or mosque. If you're an atheist, volunteer for a soup kitchen. If you like Yoga, go to local classes and chat with folks after. If you're hackers, try going to a makerspace. Maybe a community garden needs help? It's all about perspective, the broader a perspective you have, the less frightening **all of this** will be. I also literally got recruited at a bar once, just stay open and get to know people, don't underestimate the networking powers of retirees. And bring some good energy into the world while you're at it.

- Help her keep to a schedule. Anxiety is suffocating and sometimes you just want to wallow in your feelings. People never do right by themselves but they'll do right by others. Try doing meditation or breathing exercises together, do chores *together*, go on date nights, go the gym and community events together, make sure she's not either in the job application meat grinder or rotting in bed 24/7.

- Stay healthy together. Our brains are super receptive to exercise, and our guts are a significant portion of our nervous system. It may feel like hell and there's nothing wrong with occasionally indulging, but you will notice the effects on mood within weeks. It won't help her get a job but it will help you both feel better (if you don't already). It's up to you to encourage going out together, cooking healthy, and finding fun active things you enjoy together.

- Anxiety needs to be countered with calmness and empathy. Listen, breath, be thoughtful.

- Don't minimize her issues. Shit's bad out there and you need to acknowledge that, but don't catastrophize either.

- Communicate clearly, don't listen to this random internet stranger's advice, ask her explicitly what she needs to succeed and feel supported.

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What was her previous work experience in or has it been straight undergrad to grad?

But if she’s not getting interviews at least, her resume needs to be revamped.

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Doing what? Was she a Business Analyst? Product Manager? Designer?

Whatever it was that she was doing, she needs to drive to that role fist and foremost since that’s the skill set on her resume, now isnt the time to try transitioning into new roles.

And she needs to be better about revamping her resume for every role she applies to, if she’s not even getting interviews, it’s her resume not showing she’s at least capable of whatever it is she’s applying to

Mentioned above but an MBA + CS but no tech work experience more or less means you're a fresher out of school with an MBA.

If you have minimal/no work experience you really should leverage the school as much as possible to cut down the competition.

It's a tough market, hoping raw credentials get you an interview won't cut it a majority of the time. Also expand the search, hard tech might be tough, but an MBA could allow for a tech adjacent role, with the goal to transition later.

Lots of options but gotta leverage them

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She got her MBA last May. She did a contract job at an AI company but that ended in December.

I would broaden the search broadly if I were her given that she has an MBA.

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Which roles or industries? I'll leave that to her MBA skills to determine for herself.

Where are you located?

I find most people do not know how to network effectively. They show up and say something vague about what they are looking for and then hang up … essentially expecting the person they just spoke with to do their job search for them. Why should the audience go and search open reqs, guess at what she might like, send a suggestion only to risk being scolded that the job is too junior or whatever… so the safest thing is to do nothing.

Before every single networking call, she needs to do the following:
1) she needs to look at the open requisitions at that person’s current and last company and for ones she likes … bring the full job posting, job ID number, and a hyperlink directly to that job posting for the audience. The audience shouldn’t have to go and search for anything. It is critical to bring this information because the postings signal where in the org the role is located, the level, etc. The goal is to get her resume at the top of the resume pile. Nothing else. Help the person do this.

2) She needs to scan that person‘s LinkedIn profile for first connections > find 3-5 people minimum she would like an intro to along with again the full job posting, job ID number, and a hyperlink directly to that job posting for the audience. Repeat the process asking if the person knows the linkedin contact, would they be willing to send an intro email, and offer to provide a short draft of the intro email to make it EASY for the audience to send the darn email.

In terms of the emotional coaching for your wife ….guess what? Millions of people’s lives didn’t go according to plan. Welcome to the club. This is normal. Your twenties are hard because you have little experience, don’t typically make a lot of money, and don’t know exactly what you want to do. I tell people who are struggling in their twenties who don’t know what they want to do … their job in their 20s is to figure out what they don’t want to do. You need to start somewhere. Anywhere. And once you’re in you can hop to next Lilly pad if you see something interesting.

I would also setup meetings with my MBA professors. Possibly try to get a job at the university. Do more contracts.

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