Need some advice. On partnership track currently but my husband accepted a job in a city where my firm does not have an office. The new city is a smaller legal market. This is the third time we’re moving for his job in less than 3 years and I’m tired of moving and having my career come second. I like my firm and colleagues. Our marriage has been rocky and we don’t have kids/joint property. I’m getting old and was hoping to settle down and have a family by now. Would you walk away?

The way your post is framed seems like you’ve already made up your mind and are seeking validation. Not sure if you’ve communicated your sentiments in the past but I sure hope so and that this feeling and decision doesn’t blindside your husband

A marriage is a partnership. He shouldn’t be applying to jobs or accepting jobs if it’s not going to work for both of you and the decision wasn’t made after an agreement. It’s okay to compromise sometimes, but it has to go both ways not just one person sailing the ship and the other following without being considered. However, if you talked about it beforehand and you gave your blessing, this is a conversation you need to revisit and voice your concerns about. It doesn’t help to agree up front and then resent the person for something they thought was okay because it was never voiced. He can always find a new job in your city or maybe not if there’s more going on and the marriage is not working out regardless of this relocation issue.

Yes. If you’ve compromised twice, he can compromise once and renege / turn down the job. Ultimately it sounds like if you stay together you will need to pick what career to prioritize (my husband and I did this) but 3 moves in 3 years is a lot.

Oh man. I personally would express to him how severe my frustration is and how important it is for me to prioritize my career. It does seem like you might be seeking validation to leave and if so, you should follow your heart and your path. But I might suggest that you both live in different places if you do not have joint property or children. Try that first and see how it feels. You can always move one to the other later but just so you have some more time, and I think you may find more clarity about what the marriage means to you. It is 100% possible to have a meaningful long distance relationship, and I think it will tell you more about yourself and your marriage if you're not quite ready to leave him.

I think whether he accepted the position in another city without discussing it with you first is a very big question here. If so, I fully agree that it would seem it is time to walk away. But if you suggested or intimated or flat out agreed, I'm less confident in walking away and more focused on the communication discrepancies.

If he accepted a job without a full agreement from you that you’re ok relocating, that’s a huge red flag. I’m sorry you’re going through this - I hate moving and can’t imaging doing it three times in three years. I think you need to give him the ultimatum that you’re not moving again and if he wants to move without you maybe it’s time for a trial separation to see if your marriage is really working. You’ll either miss each other so much you’ll find a compromise, or you’ll feel relieved and know you made the right decision.

Is your husband military personnel?