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Chief
You should’ve have told her before booking the tickets. That’s an extremely basic thing to do in a marriage, be open about communication . We are unable to go is not equal to let me get my parents here instead. I hope you understand that.
In your entire rant, you have not mentioned her need to see her parents as much as you do with yours. It’s a a classic “me me me”. Also, bro, no offense “think of us like your parents” - lmao , that is some 1960s BS. Her parents are her parents. While your entire attitude towards her parents is “they can’t travel, so be nice to my parents” ..LOL
How do you “correct “ your wife ? Below are your options
1. Think of her parents as your parents.
2. Get a divorce
3. See a marriage counselor
This is like some soap opera level immaturity
Hehe get a divorce ? classic fishbowl advice from some 25 year old
OP: I feel for your situation.
The reality however is, no one can change another person unless they themselves want to change.
Your wife knows what she is doing. And I am sure she has her reasons. Unless she shares what those are, and assuming they are reasonable and in your control to influence, there is nothing you can do.
So stop stressing about how she is treating your parents. You are not accountable for her behavior. Focus on what you can do for your parents while they are still alive. And treat your in-laws the same way you treat your parents. That’s it—your conscience is clear and you’ve modeled the right behaviors to your children.
Good luck!
If the roles were reversed, you would feel the same. I find it very hard to fathom having family or in-laws stay with my family for 6 freakin months! That’s a very - very - long time - lack of personal space/privacy, inability to parent your kids as per your wishes, having to always account for additional members. It’s like a 3rd wheel in the relationship. If anything, what I have observed is that it is the parents of the women who normally stay for an extended period on account of the need for physical/emotional care post child birth. This is such a major decision and the fact that you went ahead and booked the tickets in complete disregard to your wife’s wishes comes across as putting her interests at the bottom/bad faith. The whole arrangement is very invasive. I would hate to be your wife. Step up and start communicating and be a better partner. Next time open your mouth and consult with your wife. Marriage 101. This is a self made own goal.
F it. Its very common practice in desi community in the US to bring over their parents for 6 months. Parents from both sides. That alone does not justify for bad manners.
you have extremely limited number of opportunities to spend time with your parents, don’t give in your happiness just because you’re wife has issues with your parents. Set boundaries of parents and wife without being disrespectful and ask their concerns and manage valid concerns meanwhile don’t loose the opportunity to spend time with your parents.
Chief
Did you check with your wife before booking the tickets ? Also if you think she is upset because she doesn’t get to spend much time with her parents, then you should discuss and try to find ways she can do that.
She went to India for a month and half a year ago while my parents were here.
Her dad has chronic issues and travel is risky.
I asked we should go to India this summer so we can see all of them but she said she is on a nice project and continuing would help her and afraid going in the summer might get her off of the project and come back to a different/difficult project.
Once we confirmed that we are unable to go, I wanted my parents to visit and booked the tickets.
I practically begged her to reset and be nicer this time. But she is even more this time.
1. She says oh they will start cooking once they are here. I want both of us to continue our routine and cook instead of having my mom be like a maid. My wife's exact words were "then what's the benefit of them coming here". In my opinion, benefit is spending time together with us and kids. Kids are very close to them.
2. When kids and I picked my parents and once they are at the house, my wife greeted them from 20 ft away asking how was the journey and moved on. I went to her when she was alone and requested to go give them a hug or talk to them briefly, she said yes but didn't follow through
3. First day my parents are here, Kids went to the guest bedroom and slept with them. My wife comes to me and asks "do you think your parents have lice, I don't want them to get lice". There hasn't been any history of lice with them and she still chose to ask the question. I said I am really trying to control and be nice and please stop with this. She left to another room.
My parents on their last trip said to her in an emotional way please think of us like your parents and you as our daughter.
I am very sad and pissed about this behavior even after I practically begged to be nicer. Am I wrong, could I do anything different, how can I correct this situation.
You are not wrong at all. You are simply expecting basic good manners and respect, something every person deserves.
And ignore EM1. They seem to be projecting their own personal struggles onto your situation and responding from a place of judgement vs. trying to really help.
Thanks for the understanding and validation of my view well. My whole intent is to have the kids spend time with grandparents regardless of my parents or her parents. I offered to send kids to India in summer to have them spend time at both houses. She didn't want that either.
Here some of the American families with grand parents close by that come for soccer games, get together etc. I want some of that experience for my kids as well.
Plus, my parents live with my brother and family. My kids complain why they can't live with us. For Visa reasons, they can't. So I am doing the best I can that they get time plus I do as well.
I am a woman and based on everything OP has said, he sounds like a very supportive husband and has provided all possible options to his wife. If inspite of that, she chooses to behave the way she is, it is a character flaw. Who greets parents from 20 feet away and asks about lice. Sorry OP. I feel for you. But you are correct in what you are doing. As for making things better with your wife, I think there is very little you can do unfortunately. She seems like a stubborn woman who has made up her mind to be difficutl about this situation.
We’re only hearing his half of the story here. He’s likely blind to his parents treatment of his wife. This sob story isn’t convincing to me at all.