Ok don’t judge but my spouse and I don’t share accounts but we do share expenses. It’s mostly worked for us for the last 10 years. Long story short— he’s done some extra spending recently so I offered to take on more temporary. Well he’s taking off Thursday to play golf and decided to buy club seats for a baseball game in the afternoon. He got my 9 year old all excited for the game. I made a sarcastic comment last night about how is he paying for it?! We sit down for dinner tonight and….

(1) Your nine year old should not have been present during that conversation.

(2) Not sharing accounts doesn’t mean the two of you can spend money without discussing it with each other. If you’re not on the same page financially, you aren’t on the same page about anything. You need to set a budget together and each of you needs to stick to it. That budget should have money set aside for both of you to spend on leisure. If he can afford his golf on that budget, he can afford his golf. But you need to both agree on what that budget is.

We have separate accounts too but it works for us. And yes if my husband told my kids we were going to a baseball game, they got excited, and then turned around and sold them, I probably wouldn't be happy either. I would have expected a more serious conversation before they were sold back, such as maybe we can't afford this. And then talk to the kid and ask them if there's something they'd like to do instead, or have them help to save up for the tickets. It just seems there's a better way to approach that and more discussion needed.

My husband and I have separate accounts too .. it works for us .. we just split bills . Honestly I like being able to buy things when I want them and not having to explain ..

We have separate accounts and have set bills we each pay. As long as our bills are paid, we are free to spend what we please, but we still discuss large purchases, or the need to help one another if an unexpected expense occurs.
To me, if he’s not holding up his end, but still spending excessively, it might be time to rethink how money is split and bills are paid. Good luck!

He says he sold the tickets back and actually made money off of them. I watched disappointment hit my 9 yr olds face. She was really looking forward to it. I told him that was a horrible thing to do. He said he did it because of me and my comment. Then proceeded to apologize to my daughter saying that sorry. You wanted to go to camp that day anyway so now you won’t miss it….

I tell him all the time that he can’t afford his golf membership but he never acts on that!

Sorry, but the issue here is a values and relationship problem, not a financial logistics one. My husband and I never shared accounts and we’ve never had issues like this.

So you asked for no judgment on your spouse but then proceeded to tell a story about something really crappy that he did - what was the purpose of this post? Did you need advice or just want commiseration? Bottom line is men think of themselves first, always. It’s not purposeful selfishness, it’s survival instinct. It probably never occurred to him to not play golf and he probably thought selling the tickets would be the better play, assuming they were the more expensive activity of the two, and even “made money off of them.” The bigger problem is that this conversation happened in front of your daughter, and then he gaslit her into saying she was wanted to go to camp anyway, as if your comment about money and her liking camp are the reasons he decided to sell the tickets, making you look both bad after he tried to do something fun, instead of owning up and admitting it was a foolish purchase outside of your budget and that he made a mistake, and apologizing to both of you. What could have been a teaching opportunity for your daughter about finances and budgeting has now become an example of you and your husband not being a team, a fact she is likely to capitalize on later as a teenager. Bravo, Dad! I suggest you speak with him about the apology he owes you and having a follow up conversation with your kid, and also a weekly budget conversation between you two about the upcoming week’s plan and occasionally splurging on something fun, together and individually. And finally, you OFFERED to fix his spending problem by YOU working more. No.

My husband and I also do not share accounts. We have one joint credit card that we use for any bills that can be paid by credit card and we tend to also use that card for anything related to our child or household purchases or going out to eat together. It seems to not be that rare to keep some finances separate.

My husband and I have separate accounts as well as one shared credit card which we use for house expenses. Lately he is getting on my nerves with the compulsive buying of sweets. I literally watch him chow it down like food. His body is out of shape. He is buying all kinds of food to take to work which is mostly sweets and I’m having to pay for it as well. He loves to go grocery shopping and I didn’t think much of it as I hate it. One great thing is, I never have to worry about an empty fridge or the pantry. My preferred items are mostly stocked. But when I took a close look at it, I can see him abusing it with buying his personal things as well. We also share a target card (it was his and we use it for the family so I pay half of that) to which he charges his personal stuff including clothes, Amazon is another place. I personally don’t buy clothes at those retailers but he has a very frugal side to him which he inherited from his parents. Anyways, I’m just venting because I’m really annoyed that I’m paying for my husband’s sweet addiction and literally watching him kill himself. Yes, I have had conversations and he is in denial. My youngest is 1.5 and I’m in great shape (I cannot imagine giving up on my body) and he looks like he has had 2 kids. No, he is not depressed, his work has taken off in his federal job. I work more than he does but this sudden change in workload is clearly driving him to eat more.