Someone told "Please Advise" is consultant speak for "WTF".

Any other such examples of consultant phrases?

likefunny
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let's parking lot that for now = you are wasting everyone's time

messaging = lying, but nicely and in a way you MIGHT get away with

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“That’s interesting” is my favorite... filler phrase that means I could care less what you are saying and I’m going to do what I want to do.

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“Circle back” aka let’s never talk about this again

likefunny

"As indicated in my last email..."

You're an imbecile. Stop wasting my time.

likefunny

in a meeting with client: (team member name), please feel free to jump in here... aka say something now idk what this person is asking me

likefunnyhelpful

“Just following up” = why the f have you not taken care of this

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For our India friends “do the needful"

likefunny

Even I have seen the same. PFA and kindly do the needful. . .

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“I think we need to take a step back and reassess” means “you’re all fucking wrong please stop talking"

likefunny

“This was super helpful” aka that was a huge waste of time

likefunny

Literally just said this to a client after a 30 min impromptu meeting when all I needed was a ‘no'

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This thread is life. Also, “keep me honest” = you’ve been closer to this than me and I’m totally BSing what I’m saying right now just to have air time

likefunny

FACTS

“let’s take a step back” - what your asking is not part of the SoW

likefunny
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likefunny

"per my last email" = "BITCH ARE YOU DUMB"

likefunny

“Have you thought about..” “what if we”.. aka, dumb shit, this is how to do it correctly

likefunny

“We want to equip your team with the tools necessary to be successful” = “you need to fire some of these tools and hire better tools”

likefunny

This is the thesis of my current project 🤣

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Pls fix = Pls fix

likefunny

“Looking for your guidance” = I don’t know what I’m doing and want you to do my work even though you are paying me thousands of dollars each day to do it

likefunny

Also; hate it when I spend lots of time working on something and submit it for review and the first feedback I get it "this is a good start"

likefunny

“Here is ______, Please let me know if you need anything else”

= did what you wanted me to do, for the love of all that is holy please don’t make me do anything else.

likefunny

“We’ll look into it” aka I have no idea wtf the answer is

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Eff no. I have been "really looking into that" for last 8 years.

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“I’m sorry, please let me clarify” aka, over your head huh?.. Let me dumb it down even more for you

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