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Deep breath.
Two things. First, we did a survey of almost 200 partners at a V20, seeking to understand their expectations regarding email responsiveness. The vast majority don’t expect nearly the responsiveness that associates think they do. Maybe you work for an outlier. But outliers are usually very clear about their expectations — often by complaining when you aren’t quick enough. Talk to the people you work for. Ask what they expect.
Second, there’s a huge body of research showing that constant interruptions massively degrade the quantity and quality of your work. Checking email constantly reduces your output as much at 70% and dramatically increases your error rate. There’s a happy medium. Look for that. It’s usually disabling alerts and checking email once an hour unless you’ve been specifically instructed to each for something. In that case you can leaver alerts on, set outlook to batch all emails and sent it once and an hour, and set an exception so the thing you’re waiting for arrives immediately in your inbox.
I think you can be responsive without being available. Acknowledge the email, say you will work on the matter the following day or whenever you are able to work on it unless it is something that truly can’t wait. I’ll often explicitly say “I’ll do this tomorrow unless you need it sooner. Please let me know if this is something that you need tonight.” You have to set boundaries to avoid constant late nights and weekends, but you still need to acknowledge emails and communicate.
I started thinking of it this way - would you expect a response from your doctor in less than an hour for a non-emergency? Your CPA? This job already has high expectations- don’t put more on yourself unnecessarily.
I’ve been there, and I learned that you have to set boundaries very early on. It’s completely okay to tell people that you won’t be replying after hours—I’ve done that myself in the past.