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M here. Need to figure out the right way to say this without being blasted in the comments, but: having “too close” of a relationship with the parents. What I mean by that is, the only way anything gets done is if her mom tells her to do something, anything you say that is in defiance of how her mom wants or does something is wrong, etc. I guess this is a special case of a more general dealbreaker I would call incorrigibility
This is a really valid point - actually a big point of contention from my broken engagement where my ex would change their tune based on what the parents would say.
Pro
Study their relationship with their parents and pay attention to what they say about their relationship with their family. Also make sure you give enough time to see evidence to everything they claim to be
Thanks A1, I agree time is important
Looking back, I think the things that I realize now that I didn’t back then:
- lack of respect - a consistent small disregard of my feelings or opinions will only get worse during hard times
- lack of ambition - have some goals, so many people I met were just going with whatever they were told to do
- lack of accountability - being able to n look inward and realize that you messed up is huge and is signs that person wants to get better. Not many people can do it unfortunately
These are all very good points - I suppose the self improvement piece particularly if you are invested in it is an important comparability factor