Any advice or tips for 2 working lawyer parents w/ young kids (3yo and 9mos)? We both have demanding jobs. I feel like I’m underperforming in all aspects of my life. My husband tries to help but he’s up until 3am nightly already working. After dinner, I do a quick home reset, get the kids to bed (you all know how long that can take with a toddler who now has separation anxiety) then log back on. I’m then up with the baby a few times. We’re both just exhausted all the time. How do you all do it?

My husband and I are both lawyers and have a 20 month old. Both of our jobs were demanding and inflexible and I was completely drowning, also handling everything at home. I took a few months off, got another job in my practice area that doesn’t have a billable hour requirement and a shorter commute. It just started so not sure how much things will improve but I knew I had to make a change and I took a pay cut. I feel you - it’s so hard and I can’t even imagine how you do it with two!

Husband is not a lawyer but a director-level tech executive. I took a reduced hours role and fully remote, increased my housekeeper to coming twice weekly, hired a meal prep company, and part-time nanny outside of regular school hours. Took a pay cut, but quality of life for me (and everyone) is much better.

It was hard but we outsourced a lot. Drew some boundaries at work while still hitting hours (thankfully worked as we were both established at our firms) and just muddled through. You are in the thick of it in those ages and the first year of your second baby. I always tell all of my associates to wait one year (from having a new baby) before you make any big decisions. That is of course unless you feel it is absolutely necessary to make a drastic change. Mental health is so important and only you can be the judge of that. We had two kids under two and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that those first four years or so are a bit of a blur of survival, but now that they are eight and nine, and we are well within our equity partnership years, I’m very glad I stuck it out. I do think however you do need to set some boundaries with work. As soon as I had my first, I set boundaries that allowed me to get home and have some time carved out for dinner and bedtime. I had been with my firm for a few years before that, so they knew that I could get my work done wherever I was and that I was reliable and would be logging back on to still meet deadlines and produce good work product. Around this time, we did outsource anything we could; house cleaning, laundry, groceries delivered, a local meal prep service that would make a few ready to go meals for us, etc. if your budget allows some or all of these (we could not afford all of those at once!). Make sure to still take some breaks here and there to have one on one time with your husband. Thankfully grandparents helped us to ensure we could squeeze in some date nights. And I’m not looking to delve deeply into what I’ve seen on these boards turn into robust debates over sleep training, but sleep has always been so critical for me, so I prioritized sleep training my babies very early on around 4-5 months. It is perhaps exploring if you have not already done so, as I would think a 9 month old should be able to sleep through the night at this point. Certainly worth a conversation with your pediatrician and some trusted fellow mom friends. Lastly, if you truly do need to take a step back at work, and you have a trusted mentor or supervisor, I would have a conversation with them and first discuss something like reduced hours or other ways they could help mitigate your stress before you make any significant moves. This is all assuming, of course that you and your husband are both relatively happy at your existing firms. good luck, and I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Husband and I are also lawyers and somehow survived 2 under 2. We’re both at demanding firms and we’re still figuring it out but the below as helped:
1. Outsourcing where you can - we have a nanny, send our oldest to an early pre school program part time, and have a housekeeper
2. Working in shifts - husband takes the night shift and I take the morning shift with our kids
3. Allowing each other to focus on self care weekly (small breaks, working out, etc)
4. Therapy - couples and individual
5. Work boundaries where possible - not perfect but having managers who are also parents help with this!

It honestly didn’t get better until after our youngest turned 1. Accepting that it’s a tough season and taking it day by day will save your sanity. You are not alone in this, good luck!

Both lawyers with 6 yo and almost 2yo. I felt like I was failing at all things during both those first years, then it just got better. I work remotely which helps. House cleaner every 2 weeks. Lots of easy week night meals with leftovers and sometimes logging back on after bedtime. Also second the recommendation for sleep training. That baby can sleep through the night and it will make things so much better for you!

Both lawyers and have a 2.5 year old and 6 month old so 10000% feel the struggle. Agreed with outsourcing things to the extent you can (we have someone clean every other week and landscaper come twice a month) and have become more reliant on easy/quick meals (prepared meal kits from Costco or simple meals from Hungryroot).

Not a solution for everyone, but when my first was about 9 months old I left my firm job for a government role. Obviously a significant pay cut, but not working after hours or weekends has made a tremendous difference in my mental health as a parent.

Just sending you support. It's so hard. I don't think anyone feels like they're "doing it" - at least not well or all the time. I know that doesn't help, I only share that to make you feel less alone in the struggle