Being single is ruining me financially

I’m a 30yo woman, working in consulting and make a very decent salary. However I pay all bills myself and live in zone 2 so I see much less benefit compared to my friends who are in relationships and are starting to buy houses.

The problem is that all men I meet are only interested in my physically. I cannot imagine myself making life decisions with them, but I also want the economic benefits of a relationship. Where do you find responsible men?

Oh this post struck a cord with me!
To the women who have mastered their careers but are still searching for their person: I’ve been in your shoes, and I promise the wait is worth the reward.
As a former member of this "ambitious and successful singles" club, I truly hear your plight. Now that I’ve been living happily with my partner for two and a half years, I often look back and wonder what advice I’d give my younger self.
It is a tough rite of passage to go through. The years of pain, curiosity, and frustration are hard to forget. My biggest takeaway? Persevere until you find the RIGHT partner. A friend who found her match before I did simplified it to a numbers game: sometimes you have to date many just to find that one.
The journey can be soul destroying and exhausting. However, since you all have the drive to make a success of your careers, I have full faith you will apply that same determination to find the right life partner.
The reward is sweet (and occasionally annoying, nothing is ever perfectly rosy!), but the goal is to find the person who makes you feel like you are "home"—the one you can truly be relaxed and yourself with.
NEVER SETTLE just for financial security. Have faith; sometimes it takes longer than we’d like, especially if you're keen to start a family, but it happens when it’s meant to happen for you.
Being a strong, independent woman with your own career and financial stability is vital. The right partner won't be intimidated by your success; they will be the one cheering the loudest from the front row. They are there to complement the life you’ve already built.
Keep the faith!

Well, be honest and upfront. You are looking for someone to help "pay the way." Men are not stupid, and you can admit to this when you start dating someone, as it seems to be your primary reasoning. People look for mates for different reasons. Your decision is an economic partner. If you "own up" from the beginning, it will eliminate any "false starts," and you will only wind up with interest from men who have no problem with this qualification. On the other hand, be prepared for the word to go around your dating circles about the truth behind what type of engagement you are looking for.

The single tax is real and the apparent lack of ambition and practical thinking in potential partners is extremely depressing. At this point I've been single for years because even with the financial cost, it's better than the alternative. I'm sorry, I don't have advice, only commiserations.

Fair few reddish (maybe amber) flags / reasons that I’m picking up in a few of your posts in this thread - see if you can spot them

Are you me???

I’m in shock how judgemental people have gotten on this post based on OPs few comments on fishbowl

Oh no, you have a different problem, too (I wrote a longform to you a little while ago, which you replied to): You've got emotional baggage and a personality that's been warped and makes you an unattractive partner (again, from the view of a very typical guy).

I talked about a successful man wanting someone who complements him. You immediately jumped to the conclusion that I - in spite of never saying it - wanted a "trophy" and "just a nice pair of tits", I never made one mention about physical appearance - or even sex.

You took what I said and immediately internalized it as an "assault on women with brains" and then lashed out. I never once said the successful man doesn't want a smart woman. My wife is brilliant, and I wouldn't have it any other way because one of the things I find attractive is someone who can challenge me intellectually. But you've been so damaged that you didn't stop to consider any other alternative other than "he just wants someone to bang and then trade in later".

To answer your questions, yes, my wife has a retirement account, and we have not only a pre-nup but also post-nups that we renew every 5 years to ensure equitable distribution if anything ever goes sideways. She doesn't have "an allowance" - she buys what she wants, and I'm happy to provide it for her. Because the successful man takes pleasure in providing pleasure. But to you, that screams "kept woman" and "an infringement upon my freedoms".

Your personality is warped, and if you don't fix that, you're not going to find a partner. It's been my experience that people with that kind of a chip on their shoulder can't fix it. Might as well just buy the cats now.

So an older male with a daughter perspective. You say "all" the men you meet are only interested in you physically. Couple things, absolutes are almost always not correct and if this truly is the case, where are you meeting these men? If at a bar someplace, yeah could see it. What interests do you have, groups you could join with both sexes where you can meet people with similar interests?

This advice is coming from a man, so please take it with a grain of salt. My advice is to stop looking.

Frequent the places you really enjoy. Do the things you really love. Don’t compromise to find someone who doesn’t fit into your regular routine; doesn’t love some of the things you love (or at least appreciate your differences); and needs you to be someone you’re not.

If that means he has to be accepted by your friends/parents/dog; has to enjoy art/bike rides/death metal; or has to be able to cook, then do t compromise. Let Mr Right meet you where you’re at. He’ll find you.

It took me several Ms. Wrong’s before I stopped compromising and found Ms. Right. Good luck out there Londoner! 😊

By the way, there are a lot of married guys whose wives work, but they only bring in a little supplement income (enough for their things). Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important that both partners work because it shows they’re both giving financially to the relationship. But those guys are essentially in your same situation - all the bills.

Hear you loud and clear - another member of the club.

Two people combined on my income are better off under the tax system, and that’s before you factor in shared costs and economies of scale…

Being single in London really is the deluxe solo package without *actually* feeling any of the luxury on paper I ought to have

Being married for 45 years, it is like friends. You become who you hang out with. Choose your parameters and look there. Mostly, there are good men everywhere and they are facing the same challenges. They simply are not as persistent as women. You will need to look closely in various areas. There are "challenges" everywhere, but bars are almost certain NOT to produce results. Alcohol influences way too many decisions, and generally, most often, not in a good way.

Please keep your “move in with flatmates” and “move further away”. Living with flatmates as a woman at 30 is impossible (my last flatmate thought she could house her bf with us for a year and I couldn’t walk around my own house in PJs as not to tempt him) and I was living in Z4 as of recently paying the same amount in transport.

if any of you great single women are in Celebration, Fl, or nearby, I can tell you there is a great responsible guy from a great family and has a great job who is begining to date. He is definitely not only interested in the physical relationship but a fantastic overall relationship. This is not Mr GQ, athlete but an all around great guy and my son!

Oh man. Hang in there, good things will come. Do not lower your expectations, there is nothing wrong with your needs.

I’ve never had a boyfriend. It’s not for lack of trying or because anything is wrong with me. I’m not bad to look at, feminine, funny, and also intelligent and driven. Not to claim that all men suck, but every man I dated was… not great.

The ones who admired my intelligence tended to be clingy with passive ambition. Others who were financially stable couldn't hold a conversation that didn't lead to sex, they often fetishized my ethnicity, and demonstrated little interest intellectual connection. I was either bored out of my mind or mildly grossed out, so I never met a man I wanted to become official with.

Fast-forward to now: I’m 40yr old home owner, happily married to a woman, and I absolutely love that she’s a boss. Each of us individually earns low 6 figures living in an HCOL. Due to health stuff, we also happen to be DINKs. I don't know how comfortable we would be living if we having multiple kids and renting.

From what I've seen of similar situations

You're using mostly apps. Apps are shallow meat markets, where only top 10% of men are chosen and they have a plethora of options so they almost always go for casual physical right away. You're assessing the pool of men based on this 10%.

But you're stuck using apps because you work long hard hours and so it's not easy to meet guys organically and or schedule proper dates.

But you work long hard hours because you're a consultant. And because you're single you work even longer harder hours. Vicious cycle.

This is a big chunk of what I've seen although there's other stuff.

Also, consultant salaries in London are a trap. Good enough to subsist but not enough to thrive. People I knew that earned less left London and ended up happier for it (obv the math changes if you make partner or even SM)

Find a single friend to move in and split costs. It’ll be much more beneficial and actual partnership in the long run

So I came back to this thread tonight to give a read, and here's the summation:

A lot of single women want to be correct instead of happy. The claws come out the moment a guy whom thinks like most other successful guys tells you what we look for. What's the response? A lot of lashing out for simply telling you that you are approaching relationships in a way that does not "sell" properly to what you're trying to attract. You're getting genuine feedback as to why what you're doing isn't working, and all it does is anger you, which further proves the point. I'm sure that's cathartic for you. It does nothing to improve your situations.

Incidentally, these are exactly the types of consultants I fire - the ones who don't take feedback and adjust strategy as they refuse to listen to what the client is saying. On a date, you'd be exhausting. Nothing but talking up how great you are as the guy realizing he wasted a night figures if he plays his cards right maybe it won't be a COMPLETE waste of time (which you'll blame him for the next morning). When I was younger, we called these types "for recreational use only"

A lot of you are both the heroes and victims of your own stories, the way you phrase it. Which is why you'll continue to struggle in this regard. I hear it all the time from the forever-lonely types. Don't worry, I'm sure most of you have a friend like my wife who will politely pour you yet another glass of wine, nod her head politely as you complain about everything but the common denominator in your stories, wish you well for your tannin headache tomorrow, and then later that night tell me she doesn't understand why you don't get it with her head on my chest.

I'd say good luck, but you'll need more than that.

Been doing it sline for 50 years (moved out at 18). It is rough these days just to live moderately happy.

Sometimes a partner can drag you down financially. i can’t help but think from your message that financial advantages of a monetarily secure person is your goal rather than love.
Maybe consider a roommate or downsize your living arrangement to get yourself in a better financial position. If you save enough you can buy a house on your own

You got two options:
1. Marry older
2. Marry someone uglier

Remember - all women settle eventually- dating rule no.1