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Ok. First, start by writing down your boundaries. Then put them in order of importance. Start with your most important boundary that was crossed. Write down what was asked of you to ignore it. Why did you choose to ignore it? Here is an exercise with questions to reframe the reason you violated your boundary. (I'm assuming it's something along the lines of, he/she will be upset, he/she will _____, anything really.)
Get a journal, just paper and pen to write and save so you can see your transformation.
1. Is it true? (If the answer is "No" move to #3)
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the thought around.
Can you find other turnarounds?
Give genuine examples for each turnaround.
Decide if crossing the boundary is worth it. What are you compromising when this happens? Are you giving up time with family? What pieces of you are you giving away? When asked to do these things, you don't have to say yes right away. Take a beat to weigh the pros and cons.
I'll tell you what I tell the directors I support when things get rough. . .what will the company ever do for you? If you were to leave the earth, suddenly, what would the company do? Will they take care of your family for all the years they struggle to learn to adapt to the new way of things? Or will they cut the life insurance check, say their goodbyes, and replace you? When it really comes down to it, you're able to be replaced...as far as the tasks being completed. Of course, no one can replace the whole person that makes you, you. Is crossing your boundaries and putting your mental health at risk, worth it? No. It's not. No company deserves that loyalty. Your loved ones deserve that loyalty. Keep your boundaries in place so you can be the best version of yourself for your family. When it comes to you being retired, grown grandkids having their own kids, will any of your regrets be not doing a task at work that one time 22 years ago? No. If you have any regrets, it will most likely solely revolve around those you love most. Not any job you held. Unless you have to make decisions for life and death situations.
I know it's work but rewiring the thought processes is work. Understand that holding your ground will be extremely uncomfortable for a while. That's great. That means you're doing it right. After some time passes and you get used to making clear what is and isn't acceptable, you'll feel more confident and comfortable with saying no.
Sending you so much love and light. Your experiences have given you such a rich outlook on life. Thank you for sharing so of that with us.
I'm just making sure I understand what you're asking. You are asking how to enforce your boundaries with this person? Or are you trying to gather up info to help the EA set boundaries and then enforce them?
Me, the EA is me.