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this sounds infuriating, personally
not saying you should leave….but i promise you, theres a guy out there who wont make you question or think twice on stuff like this. someone out there would be on board with you from the get go
Sounds like my husband. We've been married almost 20 years. Nothing would happen if I didn't bring it up, plan for it, etc. He's just not that kind of person. Doesn't mean he doesn't want it. If I call him out on it, he gets offended that I would question him. He's just not type A....or B...he's probably like a type D. Still drives me crazy...but it does have perks. If I plan a vacation, he just says okay. But he also refuses to pay attention to a budget, so he sucks at managing his spending.
I’ll say it. You should think twice about marrying this man. When you get married this will become even more infuriating. Save yourself the trouble.
It’s always me initiating except he has in the past brought up he’d want to get married before end of year but that’s about it.. we’ve been together for a long time and are in our mid 30s, so trying to figure out if it’s normal. I think because of his anxiety he doesn’t like having these discussions but I feel like we’ve not made much progress because we don’t have them. Mostly with the savings, house, proper planning for kid, etc.
My husband was the same way but I’ve whipped him into shape. I think I was only able to get him involved because he truly does care and wants to do these things, he just doesn’t have that “plan ahead and plan every detail” type of personality that I do. So I took the charge on merging our finances, I took charge on the wedding timeline and the month we would start trying for a baby. He’s really come around in the last 6 months now that he’s settling into this new role as “husband” and not just a guy doing his own thing, on his own time. He’s on board for whatever ideas I have. And if I want him to own a task, he will do it. For example, we are both so busy but now he owns all the cooking for our dinners and does all the grocery shopping and washes all the dishes every day. He puts his paychecks into our joint account and I budget it out and tell him where we are each month. We make future plans for the money together. I think it’s okay to coax him into being the husband you want, if you gently point him in the right direction and see his response. Give him time to stretch into it. But if you really don’t think he’s putting any foot forward, you might need to reassess. I will say, I saw a big jump in response after we had our wedding and moved into the home we purchased. It’s like it suddenly became real for him and he had a sense of pride at the new title/responsibilities.