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It’s a slightly outdated tradition where the bride is supposed to receive all of the material items required to establish a home as the wedding is for monetary gifts only. I don’t give physical gifts at weddings ever.
Yep, and traditional etiquette in the US would indicate not to include any registry information in a wedding invitation, which includes accompanying inserts 😊
Rising Star
Bridal showers are for intimate group. Usually local family and MOB close friends many who knew you growing up but may not have seen you in ages.. If MOG throws one, it's to introduce you to all of her friends and have them get to know you.
And of course, you take all the ribbons and make a "bowquet" to use as the standin during your rehearsal.😉
It’s a more personal, private celebration than the formal wedding, and less debauched than a bachelorette party (if you have one).
Almost everything about weddings are wildly unnecessary in my opinion
True
Yeah I only had one because my mom wanted to throw one for extended family and family friends. It was a lot more wholesome than my bachelorette haha. And yeah, basically it was for the presents but it was also sweet to talk to my aunts and my mom's friends about my fiance and all the details of how we met, etc.
Lukewarm take- My question is…why does it matter to you? Sometimes what bothers you is what you aren’t owning up to in some way.
Something about this issue bothers you. And yes, it is just fine not to understand the purpose of bridal showers and I think you said wildly unnecessary as well.
From the outside in, you are triggered by this. Ask yourself why though? The only way to know is to dig deeper than you already have.
Pro
I don’t consider this a hot take. I only had one because my mom wanted to have one. I also didn’t have a bachelorette because I didn’t see the point. I think few brides in this day and age are super into showers.
OP I have often wondered this myself. I am not married but I have been in several weddings. There seems to just be too many events and then its like are we supposed to bring a gift to every single event? I never know what to do when I am part of the wedding party. But I really do feel like the bridal shower is not necessary.
Rising Star
My maid of honor came to my bridal shower, but didn't even invite the rest of the bridal party. ( then again no one else even lived in state) I know the Emily Post old style the MOH threw it, but now they organize the bacchelorette party and I feel like the bridal shower is friends of the MOG and or MOB so they can all chat with you. Usually a luncheon or snacks is someone's home. And lots of time the gift they bring is a combo shower/wedding gift. Just one you get to open infront of people ( which they tend to like). I think only 2 people gave me an additional gift other than what they brought to the shower. I feel like that's fairly standard.
I think if you need to receive material items so you can have a start with your new spouse, then you are not ready to be married. I do realize it’s a tradition that ppl opt to carry forth. However, I believe it is outdated and ppl are milking it. Couples have entire weddings paid for by mommy and daddy and flourished with tens of thousands of dollars in gifts and trips and cash. These are adults. Again, if u need M &D to support you, then maybe marriage should wait? 50% of marriages end in divorce. They don’t get their $$ back. I also realize that it’s another tradition and choice of the parents. But parents (elderly at this point) risk financial ruin with this tradition.
Interesting take - but most people aren’t wealthy, or come from a wealthy family. The vast majority of people aren’t. And many couples starting out actually need those gifts to start out in their new home.
Bridal showers are steeped in tradition, back to 16th century Holland. Friends and families gave small favors to the bride to help her begin her married life, whether she was too poor to afford a dowry or the father opposed the match. Victorian women took showers to the next level. Socially, bridal showers and other engagement parties were important to maintain status. So why do we still do these things? It's tradition. Maybe it's time to change tradition back to the original intent. Helping someone who doesn't have family support, has no money to start a home, or lives far from friends/family due to a job, etc. Just my small 2 cents.
Coming from someone who is in a wedding in October, I think they're unnecessary. I never thought that until this wedding. The main of honor is the bride's sister, and she just made the decision to have the bridal shower at a super expensive venue, then demand all of the bridesmaids venmo her $500 to cover the cost. Needless to say, her and I had some words. I don't mind helping set up, making food, or even contributing financially, but to demand $500 when there was NO discussion about the shower was out of line in my book.
I'm very passionate about this. If you're invited to a wedding, you bring a gift, monetary or otherwise. If you are also invited to the bridal shower, you bring an ADDITIONAL gift. I think many believe if you weren't invited to the shower, you don't have to bring a gift. You are NOT let off the hook for the wedding gift. My mother taught me this, and apparently no one else's mothers taught them this. I've been invited to some people's showers that I absolutely should not have been, with 50-100 women in attendance, and it just felt like a cash grab because I was already planning on giving them a wedding gift but then had to buy another one for the shower. I personally only had about 18 women at my own bridal shower because I only invited family and close friends. Some people who were invited to my wedding but not the shower didn't even give a gift. Etiquette is lost on Gen Z and young millennials.
Rising Star
I would tend to agree, but I have opted to buy one expensive gift they might otherwise not get off their list instead of two medium ones. Although, I did quiz the MOG for whom I was hosting the shower if she thought that would be preferred.
I know someone who is having three bridal showers which is wildly inappropriate and bold, in my opinion
I have to say I totally agree with you!
Rising Star
I think they have morphed. In my experience most people gift once off the registry. If they are invited to the shower they bring it, ifnot they have it sent directly to the couple or give money. I see baby showers for peer freinds, but in my sphere, bridal showers are for the parents' friends who knew the bride growing up, or friends of the grooms parents, for them to meet the bride . It's to catch up, hear their story, maybe give some advice about marriage. It's a social connection between childhood and adulthood. Almost a right of passage. It is often a reconnection of the adult friends who may not have all gathered
together in years.
Social traditions are always more than first pass might indicate. If you think bridal showers are just about gifts, you haven't attended showers of your friends' daughters.....at least not in the sourh.
The purpose is for close female family members and friends gather to celebrate the bride ahead of her nuptials, play games, give advice, and gift her the essentials she'll need to start married life. This traditionally was hosted either by the mother of the bride or maid of honor.
This tends to be more intimate and relaxed whereas the wedding does not allow a lot of one on one time with the close family members to come together to celebrate due to all the day's schedules that occur at the wedding.
Recent traditions have now included co-ed bridal showers and become more extravagant in nature.
Bridal showers are a way to celebrate the love you are about to share with your future husband. It’s also an approach before the actual wedding asking you, “Are you sure you want to put yourself in that position?”
Showers & parties aren't necessary.
If a judge marries you
2, all you need is 2 witnesses.
If people want these things, it is not silly. It is preference.
I had one because my mom made me. The shower was bigger than our wedding.
I have been invited to bridal showers held in a banquet hall.
God how pompous
Rising Star
Wow. Have not had the pleasure. All the ones I have gone to have been afternoons in someone's home, or tea parties with a champagne toast.