Help- my SIL showed me two dresses she rented for my shower, and I think they are super bridal/not very appropriate to wear as a guest or bridesmaid. I have asked others and they agree. I feel like my own outfit, a simple jumpsuit, pales in comparison to how over the top these dresses are. What can I say or do? I feel really down but also don’t want to start WW3 by saying something to her. I feel like I now need to rush to buy a new outfit.

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I don’t really have much to offer advice wise, but I would be feel annoyed if I were in your shoes. Perhaps a mild statement like “wow those are a lot fancier than my dress” or something like that could give her the hint. Does she normally over dress for the occasion?

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Thank you so much. I don’t want to be petty but I feel really bad about how I’m going to look in comparison and previously was happy.

That response is perfect, unfortunately I responded in a rush at the moment since I was busy with work and said “these are so fun!” without actually paying attention 🤦‍♀️

Can you just say “these are beautiful dresses, but they would make me feel really uncomfortable if you wore them. I am excited about my shower and have been waiting for this for a long time. being the only one wearing white really matters to me for this event. Do you mind wearing something different? What about that dress you wore to XYZ it was so beautiful”

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Adding to the above - you can also show her a picture of what you’re wearing for comparison. So she can also see for herself

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Really smart

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Can we see the dresses? 🫢

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My SIL picked a white dress to wear to my wedding. In the end I chose to let it slide. Everyone knows I am the bride. In the end I think she is the one who's gonna end up looking silly / overdressed compared to the other guests. 🤷‍♀️

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Makes me so mad even hearing about this! Also SIL drama

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Is it the fact that it’s fancier than yours or that it’s white? I would be hesitant to call her out for it being “too over the top” as that can be subjective / a lot of people get excited to have an event to dress fancy for if they usually don’t get to. Depending on how close you are, I would either mention that you’d appreciate if she didn’t wear white or have your fiancé or brother (depending on who she’s related to) do it

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Sorry to hear you’re going through this, sounds super stressful. I think given you want this to not cause much of a problem, I would at least tell her not to wear a white which she should understand. I could definitely see the “it’s too fancy” conversation coming off as petty / not taken as well. Hopefully she gets the hint though to scale it down altogether. Good luck

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I’d just be honest and tell her that you responded in the moment. Like you said, they’re fun dresses. They’re just not appropriate and you hope she will honor your wishes.

I’d hold a grudge on this forever if I were you and didn’t say anything, so I’d bring it up

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Seems so obvious but you are right, just tell her I replied in a busy rush

My mom still is holding a grudge re: her SIL not coming to her shower and also making her change the bridesmaid dresses she wanted and it’s been over 35 years…lol

funny

OP any update?

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For reference they are both white based with pale pink pattern/florals. Mostly white. Beyond that though they are VERY dramatically structured with a lot of special details- statement sleeves, one has an almost train-like element down the side

THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

Some people are getting super rude and inconsiderate with wearing white or near white dresses to weddings. I stay away from anything light colored (white, pink, etc.) that could be mistaken for a wedding gown.

You should tell them straight up that they cannot wear that at your wedding. They’ve been brides, they should know better.

Seems like they’re trying to show you up on your wedding day deliberately. Do you already have bad blood between you? Because they are out to get you.

I really appreciate these replies. Do you think it would be inappropriate to follow up with her and say something? Or have I missed my chance since I sent her a quick response in the moment?

Also adding to my anxiety about this is that she can get into arguments easily

My SIL bought herself an engagement ring the week after I got engaged. She does not have a partner. It signified that she “loved herself.” Every time I would show someone my ring with her around, she would sprint over to show “her ring” too 😫

I had very laid back events leading up to the wedding (most people wore comfy warm clothes to my shower in the winter) but she tried to wear a floor length Farm Rio dress. She kept insisting upon it despite me explaining it was laid back and I would be in white pants and a sweater, doing the “show her your outfit” method as people have mentioned. She did not budge. Finally
my mom sent an email to everyone encouraging them to “come comfortable.” That’s what got her to finally drop it.

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