How did you decide your family was complete? I have one, amazing 6 year old, and for the last 4 or so years, my husband and I have been in this limbo trying to decide if we want another child. I truly feel that I could be happy with either decision, but I just can’t make it definitively. When I think about starting over again now, I’m not sure I want to, but then I think about how nice it would be later on to have another child. We are both on the same page where we recognize the…

One and done here. My best advice is, only have another child if you want to raise another human. A person is not a gift you give to another person. A sibling can be a wonderful thing: a built-in playmate or a partner in caregiving for your elderly parents. But those things are not guaranteed. A second child may have medical issues that prevent a traditional sibling relationship. The siblings may fight over how best to provide for your care in old age and actually make things harder. (I witnessed this in my own family.) You could end up with twins! Or everything may be just as you pictured it. The reality is, you don't know. So while picturing a full table at Thanksgiving is lovely, don't forget to weigh that with the here and now. If you feel like your family is not complete, then it may not be. But it's also OK if it is.

My husband and I thought long and hard about a second, but in the end, the reality is we just didn't want to raise another child. We had our hands full with one, and physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially, it was the best decision for us. Am I a little sad at times that I couldn't give my child a sibling? Yes, and that's OK. Feelings aren't black and white. But I'm happy and secure in the knowledge that our family is complete, and we stopped at a size that works for us.

Good luck with your decision. You've got this!

The greatest gift my parents could have given me were my siblings. Do your 6yo a favor. My siblings are 8,10,12 years older than I am and we are super close. Not close growing up, but starting in my 20s we have all been really close.

The bank account told us 😂

I’ve heard the advice to imagine your thanksgiving dinner table 20 years from now how full do you want it to be, and who is sitting around it?. I grew up with siblings and always knew we wanted at least 2. Currently have 2, and I will say the transition from one to two hit me like a freight train but I do not regret it at all.
We’re thinking we’ll likely have one more.

I definitely hear the person who said not to have another kid just so your first kid has a friend, but I will say as an adult who is not super close with her siblings, I am super glad to have them to help navigate medical issues with my parents. It’s nice having a team of people to help figure out Medicare and care facilities, and people who can genuinely empathize with me while we figure it out together.

Following. We just had our third. Im pushing 40 but can't shake this feeling that I'm not done and should try for one more. My husband feels the family is complete, but is supportive if I want to try.

Team one and done. Struggling through postpartum during the pandemic without help was one of the biggest factors for me. I also feel like I’m the best version of myself as a mom and wife if I don’t need to take care of more than one. And thinking ahead to teen years + parenting in the age of devices, I don’t think I could do it more than once.

It’s also nice having early retirement as a very real option and we’re able to keep housing costs low because we’ve stayed in our “starter” home. We can put our one child in whatever activities she wants and don’t have to worry about coordinating schedules with multiples. We have a lot of play dates with her friends so it’s sort of choosing the family we want vs adding a sibling.

Travel is also awesome because a lot of countries max out at 3 people per room.

If you’re on the fence, maybe your family isn’t complete yet? But the age gap is getting to the point that your potential two+ won’t interact much as kids. And please don’t make an older child the default babysitter.

We can't figure it out. Our daughter is three and I am 40 so if I continue to wait, I may not have a choice. But we've been going back and forth on trying for a second for the past year and are still undecided.

Honestly if it’s not an easy yes, maybe that means your family is complete? I know so many only children who are happy adults

I had a 4th 10 years after my 3rd was born. I do not know the answer to this question.

Advantages and disadvantages, but just can’t come to a decision. Working in a demanding field (partner at a big law firm), I do have concerns that I won’t be able to be as present with a second as I would like to be. On the other hand, I feel I shouldn’t let work dictate my family planning. I thought the answer would be become clear at some point, but here I am, six years out, steadily getting older and still wondering what to do. How did you decide?

I also struggle with this. I had severe PPA/PPD and do not have family support nearby. Despite all of this, I look at my 2 year old and there is this bugging feeling that our family is incomplete. I know it's illogical and will be so hard but I still want to expand our family!