I am just so sad today. I don’t do anything expecting anything in return from my kids. Every choice I make I make for them. I book and take them to their appointments, find after school and weekend activities and take them or arrange for them to go. Get them the books they love, do their homework with them. I sleep trained them so we have our evenings for work. But they always want dad or grand parents. When they dont behave or cooperate for dad and grand parents I am called to lay down the law.

Growing up my mom was the backbone of the family - everything from homemade meals to always having clean clothes, a clean house, being super organized and on top of all our activities, etc. while also working full time. My dad was the fun one - joking around, playing, etc. I used to secretly like my dad more. After I grew up a little I realized how amazing my mom was, my dad had the luxury of being the fun one because she literally took care of EVERYTHING, for us and for my dad. My mom is my best friend now and I hope to be 1/2 of who she has been as a mom, but it took a bit of growing up to realize how she held everything together behind the scenes. I understand how you feel but I hope your kids will also grow up to understand that you hold everything together.

That sounds so hard. If it helps at all, I can tell from your post how much you care and how much you are showing up for them, and they are lucky to have you. 💕

I don’t get to be fun mom because I have to set the rules and remind other adults to follow them. I have to do all the not fun things all the behind the scenes work. Maybe I don’t know how to be fun. I am just sad.

I feel you. Some similarities and some differences but essentially also not the fun mom. Dad and (former) nanny were always the favorites. My old therapist told me once to focus on the good moments. Like if I can make one of my kids laugh even for a few seconds, it’s a positive memory and moment. So I try to just create more of those, however I can (which is different than dads animated energy), to build on.

Don’t judge yourself. I get sad too becasue I feel like I’ve missed out on a year or so of my kids life for mental health reasons after my second kid. It sucks but we are doing our best, kids are resilient, and they know we love them.

I am so sorry. I felt like the same for a while - like i was a house cop. Then i decided to tell my husband in clear terms that he needs to step up. It took some reinforcing but finally it worked. Now, Sometimes if they are throwing the fit, i let my husband deal with it. I also try to plan fun things with them by myself.

My advice is to start having fun with them! This was me when my kid was a toddler. But I realized who cares if the laundry needs to wait a day or if we skip soccer practice to go on an adventure instead. He wants to spend fun quality time with me so I stopped being so rigid about what I should do and started having more fun. It helped a lot!

I’m sorry to hear that, being a mom can be such a thankless job. I wonder if it may help if you had dedicated time each week to do something fun with the kids, and then dedicated time each week for dad to take the kids with no interruptions to you? My husband is responsible for our kiddo for a few hours every Sunday so I can go to a yoga class/go shopping/whatever and it’s been so helpful for my mental health to have that break.

I’m so sorry to hear this and I’m also sad for you. My husband calls me weak for not laying down the law so the kids are always after me asking for things. Always looking to me for comfort. My little one is literally hanging on to me when she returns home from day care. I love it but I also feel exhausted. So there are two sides to being the strict parent or not. I chose the exhausting path because I was raised under strict rules and no visible affection. I’m not excited about being called the weak parent but I do remind my husband that I’d rather be a weak and present mom than the opposite. I do lay down the law if it is required but most of the time, I choose not to. I’d say you choose the kind of mom you want to be and stick to it. If others are asking you to lay down the law, stand your ground. You are not required to be the only responsible parent in the relationship. Again, I’m sorry you are feeling down. You do you, mommy!!