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Is it resentment from them not helping or showing up in the way you need them to as a parent? I’d start there
Right... Seems like it. And don't know how to fix it.
Enthusiast
This is normal so please don’t be hard on yourself yourself. On top of postpartum, you both are trying to find new ways to communicate with one another. I also struggled with feeling validated after birth to the point where I just wanted a divorce. Overtime, I learned that my husband didn’t know how I was processing my feelings and I had to do a better job of communicating my emotions. Once I become more vocal, he started to follow lead. Similar to your situation, we didn’t have family around for the first year. We made the most out of that by planning morning coffee dates on the weekends followed by a nice walk with the baby. It gives you an opportunity to actually talk which we weren’t doing.
Also, take advantage of baby naps. Use that time to order food or catch up on your favorite shows together.
Thank you for this!
I am going through the same
I am sorry you and going through it. It sucks. And you deserve it to be better.
Coach
What specifically is causing the distance?
I don’t know how to solve it but I have a 15 month old and I feel exactly the same.
Set aside date nights now and keep it going.
But you need a break too. Maybe even a night out with some friends while your husband stays with the baby. And as for a date night, ask those that live an hour away to stay the night (so they don't have to worry about driving back) so you can have some 1:1 time with your husband.
When little ones are young like this, it definitely is tough. But they will become more self sufficient and you won't feel like you have to do everything for them soon enough. I will also add that perhaps your husband will naturally step up a little more as your child gets older because he's more comfortable with an older toddler or 5+ year old? Each stage has its own challenges I will say. I myself have an 11 year old son, 8 year old daughter, and 5 year old daughter. Still in the thick of it!
Get a couples counselor that does remote sessions (most do). That way you and your husband can attend a session during a nap. A good marriage counselor has saved my relationship multiple times just by helping us learn to hear each other, which sounds like something your husband needs help with right now. It can get better and feel even stronger than before if he’s willing to put in the work to learn and listen.
Enthusiast
Agreed with A1, try couples counseling.
We have been doing this since we became engaged (premarital counseling) and continue this process twice weekly.