I have a huge crush on a man in my office. I really can't tell if he's interested in me the same way I am. He always has the brightest smile when he sees me and comes in for a hug, which is not typical of the other straight men in the office. I really want to ask him what his orientation is, but it's so nerve-wrecking. Have you been in this situation before.. and did you just ask bluntly?

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Since you work in the same office, there are hr issues to watch out for. This isn't a situation where you've seen him in the grocery store or gym, tread lightly.

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Please don’t ask him what his orientation is. There are better, more subtle ways of approaching the topic. Ask him about his weekend plans, how he likes to spend his spare time. See if he mentions a partner or going to gay bars etc.

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Agreed. There are a vast array of ways to find out his orientation. A little cyber stalking never hurt anyone (actually, it probably has—but you get my point). I’d agree to just ask him out. All he can say is no. Even if he is gay or bi you still have to figure out if he’s interested in you.

Just ask! What's the worst that could go wrong? He finds out you're interested? Big deal. Also, I'm not a huge proponent of dating people from work so that'd be the only reason not to...

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Can I assume he’s single? If so, you can find an opportunity to clarify your orientation and then see how it evolves? I’m not against just coming out and asking if that feels OK.

As an older bi guy, I couldn’t count how many times I felt the way you do but am married. I came to terms with being attracted and just professional many years ago - I guess that’s always been the same if you’re straight, gay, queer, +…

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