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No advice but I feel the same. I left litigation because of it. I posted a while back in here asking what roles do not require contract negotiation, because I don’t want to do it. Most people said it’s not adversarial like litigation. But to me, the idea is still extremely unpleasant because I hate anything that could have the *potential* to turn adversarial.
I wouldn’t say that I dread contract negotiations calls, but I would say that anticipating them does give me some anxiety.
Once I’m on the call, however, all of the anxiety goes away and I simply focus on the matter at hand and I enjoy the actual negotiations themselves, especially once the call is over (but even during negotiations).
I liken it o how a runner feels before the starting gun goes off or how a basketball player feels in the moments leading up to tip off.
I have been practicing for 20 years and the anxiety never goes away, although it is better outside of litigation.
The second I wake up and look at my phone to turn off silent mode I get anxiety
Same
I’m in my 6th year and feel exactly the same way.
You’re probably getting slightly biased advice from those of us anxious lawyers lol, but my husband is also a lawyer and decidedly does NOT have anxiety. I worked with a therapist years ago who told me (basically) people get anxiety, not professions. You’re probably just prone to anxiety (I am too) and the job is stressful and triggers it. I got rx meds and it helped immensely.
Associate 1 I would definitely talk to your dr about switching or adding another med to help with the anxiety. I tried Paxil and Zoloft (sertraline) before finally landing on Effexor. They all react with our individual brain chemistry so differently! Zoloft did not help my anxiety and gave me awful side effects.
If you have not already, it might be helpful to dig a little deeper and try to understand potential root causes of the anxiety. Or, at the very least, if you have some generalized anxiety, what might be exacerbating that generalized anxiety.
I have unrealistic expectations about needing to know everything (and being seen to know everything—that I think others think I should know). So, while I’m much better now than I used to be at just saying “I don’t know the answer offhand, so I’ll have to follow up with you on that”, I still get anxiety at times that I’ll look stupid during a call. And as others have mentioned, an unhealthy desire for perfectionism (e.g., always fighting for more or better terms for the company).
On top of that, I think we all share a little “healthy” anxiety that we might miss something important that puts our client (and possibly our job) at risk. I say healthy because a little anxiety here can help keep you sharp and diligent, but too much is obviously unhealthy. On this point, I have relaxed a lot, over the last year in particular, by (a) having good leadership that is not overbearing, critical, and unrealistic with their expectations and (b) taking to heart something that gets repeated a lot in these type forums by very experienced attorneys—no one will ever look at 90% of contracts you negotiate outside of some very basic terms like when payment is due, and for the other 10%, if there is some unfavorable term or there was a mistake, 90% of the time there will be an opportunity to fix it or substantially mitigate exposure.
The nature of the job forces us to engage in catastrophic thinking for everything, but true catastrophe (from a business perspective) very rarely happens.
Great advice!
This is an inherently adversarial profession with time/effort commitments well beyond most other professions and an obsession with perfectionism (or the appearance thereof). I would be skeptical of any attorney who claims they aren’t anxious on some level.
I’m on year 7 and gave up thinking it’d go away 🤷🏼♀️
I hate negotiating and absolutely dread contract negotiation meetings. After moving in-house, I’ve realized that I hate talking with lawyers, especially opposing ones, more and more. Business clients are just so much more pleasant than attorneys.
I used to be anxious and worried all the time, both professionally and personally! I got to a level that I was considering suicide. I started to do yoga and meditation, I started to read the new age books, I wanted to save myself and my loved one from my anxieties. It’s hard to explain but one day in May 2021, I found my inner self and I started to cry and realized that all of those worries or anxieties were just my feelings and I can actually choose how I feel it, started that day, all anxieties were gone and I live in a different life now, I am always so happy and I have full of energy all the time! I don’t know if it works for you or not, but definitely start to listen to yourself and focus to find your inner peace, once you find it, it will stay with you, you’ll find the real freedom!
So happy you got through it!
My manager once told me nothing we do is more important than our well being. Along with what others have mentioned, I try to remind myself even in the worst case scenario (e.g. I look stupid or miss something critical) I’ll be just fine and no one will care about it more than me.
You’ll find what works to make you feel better, but I want you to know there are so many of us that empathize and you are definitely not alone!
Chief
Seconding AGC1. Treating my general anxiety was huge for my work performance and I really rarely struggle with anxiety in my current role. My husband, on the other hand, has overwhelming anxiety in his job as an engineer.
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Thanks for the reply. Which medications and what mood stabilizer?
When I was in litigation I felt this way before depositions, court appearances, and training. It eventually went away for training after a lot of exposure. Since moving in-house, I don't do litigation and no longer have this issue. For me, it came down to confidence.
Most of what I do is pretty low stakes and/or subjects I know well, so I’m pretty solid with most familiar stuff at 10 years out. New stuff, things I don’t know 100% or haven’t prepared for, sure, some anxiety. But worst case you just defer. “We need to vet that through OC as I feel like that may have additional implications.” Or “We need to consider that internally with the business team.”