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That’s such a tough spot, and you’re a good friend for wanting to help. She’s stuck in a cycle of abuse, and fear is keeping her there. Maybe start by reminding her she doesn’t have to do it all at once, just small steps. Help her quietly line up resources: a safety plan, legal aid, financial options. She needs to know she’s not alone. 💜
Agreed with other commenters. So sorry for the situation and prayers for her well being and safety. 10 years is a really long time and looks like things haven't improved much. Onky she can make the decision and decide her next steps. As Manager 1 said, start with small steps. Help her get counsel from religious scholars and other professional counsellors (mental health, legal) etc.
I am so sorry to hear that. These things are never easy and especially when kids are involved. Nobody will know what the right decision is but her.
What M1 said but anytime physical abuse is involved, it’s impossible to ever have a normal relationship even if the husband apologizes. Long term trauma is too much. It’s better for the children too - important to establish the right values. Even tho it’s hard, leaving is the right decision
He’d still need to pay for child care with whatever little he makes - he’d be legally required I’d think
the longer she is married to him, if she makes more she will have to pay him maintenance/ alimony
I stayed because of my two little kids for a few years but the only person getting hurt was me
the kids will grow up and in sha allah they will be ok
I started focusing on how to be the best mom and also fill in for ny exa absence
But how’d you build up the courage to leave? And
Just so we are clear is this an affair in the sense that it's outside of marriage or is he married to this other woman.
And make him love her again. How do I help her? She knows the right thing is to leave but she won’t. And she won’t tell her parents bc they will pull her out of the marriage, so clearly she’s not ready to leave. But this has been going on for 10 years. What do I do as a friend?!
I ended a ten year marriage with my ex too. How is his relationship with his kids?
yes dm me please
Small steps is a good idea but I think she’s done it all. She separated her finances, talked to attorneys etc but can’t pull the trigger. He’s even told her he wants to divorce her multiple times. She keeps latching on to how they still do fam trips together and her big home and their fam traditions and her relationships with his fam and then fear of being alone and starting over and that too with kids. It’s so heavy. All that’s left to do is sign but that’s been the last box to check for 2 years now. Mind you he’s in a relationship with a girl overseas and spends half his time with her while my friend cares for kids and his parents in her home. Just so sick. But she loves him and has never had anyone else in her life
You should encourage her to talk to a professional. Then consider bringing him in. At the end of the day it’s her decision. And really should be about the kids. Her sanity is about the kids too.