My BIL has a 21yo step daughter from a failed relationship, we’ve known her since she was 8yo, basically a cousin to our kids but not by blood. She was driving at night and got into an accident and hit a construction worker. He is stable but kicker she was drinking so facing DUI and huge conquences. Her Dad and Mom are penniless so husband wants to help pay for her $15k+ lawyer fees along with his mom. We know we will never be paid back. Am I awful to want to say no?!

Saying no is not awful. My parents paid for all the necessities when I was growing up. I got my first speeding ticket at 17 for about $300. I told my dad and he tells me to go get a job to pay for it. I have not gotten a speeding ticket since and I am in my late 30s. I would’ve never learned the lesson if my parents paid for it. I know it’s not the same scenario, but these lessons unfortunately need to be learned the hard way for it to actually change someone’s behavior.

Thanks Ladies. In talking to my uncle who is an attorney he solidified the need to get her a DUI attorney. She will still have severe consequences and charges but this will help with the sentencing at least. The girls boyfriend actually stepped up to pay the costs along with Grandma so we are providing an amount we feel financially comfortable without taking away from anything. She really is a good kid and even if we helped or didn’t help financially I know she will learn from her mistake.

Help her, but make her sign something that she will pay you back, even if it’s $100 a week

Few things to consider here I think:
- how does spending $15k affect your finances? You aren’t getting it back, that’s pretty much a guarantee, but does it make it impossible for your short term financial goals or take away things like your vacation budget or college for your own kids? Idk you but some examples.
- $15k is going to do almost nothing for her right now, to be honest. Doesn’t matter what lawyer you have, she is going to be found guilty and will have consequences regardless of whether you help pay for the lawyer. There will be a suit from the man’s insurance company for any medical bills or lost work time and financial consequences for her, at the minimum. If you pay the lawyer fees, you can absolutely expect them to ask you to help with everything else.
- are there other things you can help pay for like others have mentioned? Her car insurance will be going up and likely through the roof, there will be other expenses resulting from the consequences of this. Can you help pay for those over time as to show you want to support her learning from this?
- if she goes to jail, which she might, how does that impact her college? Maybe that is another way to help once she is on the other side of this, likely going to lose out on some tuition and rent money so she may need help with that also.

Unfortunately, this is an insanely huge f up for someone her age. And she’s going to feel the weight of that pretty hard, and likely will have some debt regardless of how much you help. So I think you should evaluate how much you as a family, not just your husband individually, are willing to invest in helping her through this

Your husband wants to help his niece and you’re thinking of saying no? If so how much does he want to give?

You're not awful for saying no. You can help her in ways that aren't $15k in lawyer fees. With hitting a construction worker i don't think its going to change much between a super high end lawyer or a public defender... she will definitely have to put a blow and go in her car and go to driving and alcohol classes.. maybe offer to pay for those instead of the lawyer