My husband says he is strongly against me changing careers and making less, and I’m frustrated and feel trapped by this.

For context, no kids, married 8 yrs. We earn similar amounts and my current career path has significant upside, while his does not. Ive been in this industry for 12 yrs and used to be excited to learn and challenge myself each day. Now I feel tired and like I’m not actually interested in developing the skills any further. It’s clearly time to change.

Continued in comments…

… his preference matter and I take them seriously, but this feels like something that is ultimately my choice. It’s how I spend the majority of my time.

For the venting bit…. he has changed careers which required a few year significant dip in income that I actually pushed and has paid off, and now he’s not okay with me doing the same? I get he likes having the income we have, but I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to stay in something for decades that you don’t like anymore. It’s also very demanding and stressful and I feel like I’m wasting my life and going to give myself health issues if I stay in my current industry.

I get that marriage is a partnership and big decisions need to be weighed in in by both parties but this is your career path, professional identity, and your relationship sounds incredibly unbalanced. Maybe a new job and a couples therapist is what you both need.

Take care of yourself. Don’t die with regrets. If he’s not part of it live your life how you want even if everything has to change

Hi,
No matter what you decide, I think it is a beautiful thing to see that you value your husband's thoughts. It seems to me you are putting your marriage as a priority. That investment can pay huge dividends. I really hope you can strategize with your husband and with teamwork get to a place where your work is a blessing and not a drain.

OP - can I ask how much less you'll be making? I can see someone panicking if household income will go from $250k to $150k, but if it's $250k to $220k or something similar, it's not enough to make a huge difference in your lifestyle.

I personally think you need to do what's best for you because you don't want to go through a significant part of your life miserable, and we spend l spend a LOT of time at our jobs. However, how big the income difference will be would be a factor in how most people assess the career change.

This is absolutely your decision. If you are not happy with the work that you are doing and want a career change that is completely you’re right. It’s extremely disappointing to hear that your husband is not supporting you being happy and fulfilled. But your happiness is not for him to create. It’s for you to create it for yourself. He can have his opinions, but that is all they are. Opinions. The decision is yours make yourself happy. 

When you get down to it, what price are you willing to place on your happiness, your drive and motivation? Work can be miserable without those feelings. Without the feeling of coming home and wanting to gloat about a goal you met that took months and long nights lol. If you’ve ever felt that feeling before you know it’s one you always want to feel again, I want to work late for a mission I believe in. If I don’t those late night brags are complaints. Your mindset and energy are very important. You said you can be back where you are now $$ I say do it! Do it because you deserve to be in an environment that makes you want to be and do better in your career.

Would you still go ahead with the change if you were single and husband was not around ?

I have gone through this with my husband. The opposite though I am switching to make more money and I think he feels like it’s not good that I’ll be making more than him. Ultimately, it’s my choice and I took his opinion into consideration. Do what you think is best for you and he should support you either way. My husband isn’t being too supportive at the moment but he will get over it.

Maybe whip out excel, run the numbers down to the cents and do a comparison btwn income and expenses now vs after the pay cut. Sit down with him and discuss whether he’s comfortable with those new numbers.

The salary difference that you posted might be part of the equation. But I don’t think that is the full picture.

If, but heaven forbid if, you make this transition to this new role and he is laid off. Could the two of you survive on only your new salary?

I made the transition from a $30k play cut. I liked the new work, but I couldn’t enjoy it because I had to find something that got be back to what I was being paid prior to the transition. I didn’t think it would hurt as much as it ended up hurting.

Would I do it again - yes. But I would position myself better to not take the big pay cut.

Try to go on leave from work for a short bit, you sound burned out and need a break. A pause may give you a fresh perspective.

Hi ladies 👋
I hope everyone is doing well.

I’m currently seeking opportunities as a Business Analyst / Junior Business Analyst in Canada. I’ve been actively applying for roles but haven’t had much luck securing interviews yet.

I’m reaching out to this community in case anyone is aware of openings, referral opportunities, or is willing to share advice on improving my job search. I’d truly appreciate any support or guidance.

Thank you so much, and wishing everyone success in their journeys 💐