Trying to figure out how to stop apologizing before I speak. Any tricks for just stating your point without softening it first? I feel like I almost don’t get seen as important when I try to soften it first.

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What helps me is writing out what I actually wanted to say, then editing out anything that made me sound smaller. Also, replacing “sorry” with “thanks” (like “thanks for your patience” instead of “sorry I’m late”) helped me reframe the tone without losing politeness.

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Really great advice, thank you. I struggle more in person than over email etc. I can be quite forward over email if needed, but in person I tend to lack confidence a lot in believing in myself.

This is such a hard thing for me to do naturally. I feel like I always have to make a conscious effort to not always use passive language. I know it sounds weird, but what helps me is to write my emails and speak "like a man." I work in a male-dominated office and I'm one of the only females on staff. I try to mimic the tone and cadence of the men in the office who never really seemed to have to pacify their language. I know it seems silly, but it actually works.

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That's really interesting actually! I am not sure if it's because I work with quite young people (we are nearly all under 30 with an exception of the owners), but the guys that I work with seem to be just as apologetic as I am! Maybe it is an age thing and feeling like we aren't seen as important? I definitely find it harder in person than over email. Over email I find it a lot more easy to be assertive, but face to face I really struggle.

I need to know that, too. I do that all the time; I always feel like I am interrupting or doing something I shouldn't. You are so right. When we apologize too much, people take advantage of that and go harder on us. My mom is a tough woman, and she always tells me to show respect, and people will respect you. She tells me, the way you see yourself, it's what people will see in you. So say positive phrases about yourself and say it until you believe on them. "I am strong, I am right, I can do this, I am awesome! This is helping me.

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Wow, this is so lovely! Words of affirmation can do wonders, but I have never really tried it myself. It's exactly that, I know I am good at my job but sometimes I lose touch of that, and exactly that, it will show if you start losing confidence!

I have the same issue…found these examples on facebook (sorry I don’t remember where I took the screenshots)….but maybe you might find these examples helpful:

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Wow, these are really helpful. Thank you so much for sharing these. Will definitely be using some :)

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