When I was younger and pre-babies, I was super ambitious and just wanted more - more titles, money, responsibility, etc. Now, I’m actually taking a step back and wondering would I even want...(cont)

I felt the same until recently. My son turned three and we’ve got a solid routine in place, I’ve been at my current company a few years so there’s trust and credibility, and I finally feel like, ok, I got this. I think there’s nothing wrong with slowing down if your ambitious career trajectory feels overwhelming. Your mental / emotional health is most important. I needed those few years just to catch my breath.

...that promotion or new job because it’s just going to demand more of me that I don’t want to give. Is this a phase with young babies? Am I seeing the light finally? Am I the only one?

I am handing in my resignation next week - work gave me flexibility to work from home and took it back after just two weeks - no one in the office has kids so they don’t get it. I decided that work can wait, my kid won’t wait and will grow up without me. Starting freelance and relying on my partner and I am okay with that.

My pre-teen son and I were talking this am as his dad/my husband will be out tonight and my son said something about being sad about it. I asked, are you sad when I travel for work? He says yes, I miss you, but let’s face it I don’t see you as much.

Ouch.

And yet, I’m all in. Because I need to take care of our future. Because I need to do something career-wise for me. Because I raised a kid who is articulate enough to express that thought and be able to talk about it openly and honestly

I can relate. I’m definitely feeling more patient and content in my career. I’m still driven but it has helped me become thankful for what I have in my current job and I’m thankful that I’m not just a shell of a person by the time I arrive home at night.

My kids are old enough now that I’m trying to make up for lost time. I’ve always been ambitious but put it to the side, somewhat. Now I’m all in. It’s scary but exciting. Have no idea how it will play out

Feel you. I have turned down an ECD position twice for the same reason. I don’t want the extra travel and responsibility that comes with the job. I would rather spend more time with my family. Sometimes I still get mad or frustrated because I feel like I’d still be a great asset as an ECD even if I don’t travel every week or run every pitch. I can still elevate the quality of the work coming out of the agency. But that’s not how the world works right now. So they promoted the man I partnered with instead. Thankfully they still treat me as an ECD from a respect and inclusion standpoint. It’s such a hard reality to come to and I shed many tears (in private 🤫) over it but I’m ultimately in a better place because of it. My CCO told me that he is sure I would have quit had I taken the job. I think he is right. His biggest regret was missing his kids growing up. I couldn’t live with that regret, so I make my choices.

Love this post and all your honest beautiful responses. I am there with you. My work demands travel but my son is two and every second I lose breaks my heart. He seems to grow weekly. I don’t want to lose this beautiful time with him. My job before him was my priority and would put it before myself. But now my son is my greatest success. I need to be the best person and Mom for him. I never say this to anyone at work. I am trying to figure out this next phase. With both parents having full time jobs in advertising and entertainment I worry that our son will lose us to our careers.

I saw Shannon Miles (cofounder of Belay) speak at SXSW and am reading her book The Third Option on kindle. It’s not directly relevant to advertising as she was in sales but I’ve been inspired by it and have started thinking outside the box of my current path.

*the "they" in sucking my ambition was the firm, not the kids, by the way!

Thank you all for your replies 🙏 this community is so needed. As part of this discussion, another side of my initial question is - as you get closer to the executive level and you actually understand the toll that being CEO (for example) takes on your time/energy/sanity, have you had thoughts where you question if you really want that?

@VP OP The moments are very rare. I would certainly enjoy the money, but my husband works too so we’re lucky to not need it. (That adds to the guilt of working at all too). I’m perfectly content because I’m motivated by feeling valued and having a seat at the big boy/girl’s table. My current leadership offers me that despite my title. Plus I get a run at Cannes every year but I get to go home at 4:30. I think women feel this more often than men, but I’d also probably have a severe case of imposter syndrome in that role as well. At least for now. So I’m happy with the situation as it is. If it changed, I might not feel the same way. I’ll always be competitive and it’ll sting as others get promoted or hired around me. But the trade off is worth it. The current work environment doesn’t allow for us to truly have it all. Something always suffers. Just have to choose which one you can live with.

I have preteens and while I used to really enjoy and value work and have a lot of ambition, they have kind of sucked it out of me. The toddler years, sure, I had less drive and was a tad less go get-em, but then when I ramped back up the firm was not interested in seeing me as a comer. I was reliable and steady but each big push I made was met with "wow, yay, great! we will promote you next round!" Never happened. Some will say I should have left then but in a small market with kids in school and a spouse happy in his job you have fewer options. And at the current job I had hard-won status which equaled flexibility. And flexibility is really essential in working while raising kids. So, in the end my perspective has shifted and I'm planning on getting out rather than continually hoping for change here. I suspect the failure to see the passion and potential of moms with older kids is a failure across the industry as we are no longer young phenoms and mostly invisible due to age.

@MD1 Do you think you’ll want to change to a role that’s slightly less demanding in order to have more time with your baby? To make it to MD, you’re probably super go-getter so not saying the alternative is to coast, but rather strategically choose a role where you’re still doing big things, but without as much responsibility and, likely, the big title?

Same and it keeps getting stronger for me. Mine is a toddler and every day I realize more and more that work is petty and not worthy of my time or attention. I feel like I’m finally finding purpose and seeing the light, and I’m so anxious to be a stay at home mom.

@GCD1 You are clearly already very highly accomplished to get to GCD level. Assuming you’re making good money and good at what you do now (since you turned down multiple ECD roles), are you content with the trade off and your quality of life or are you still secretly shedding a few tears at not being ECD?

My husband and I are trying, and I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety over this too All of these comments have helped. Thanks!

I took a $30K pay cut when I switched jobs because I was able to negotiate leaving at 4:30 and WFH one day a week. Best decision I ever made. Home to make dinner and hangout as a family for the first time in my career.