Why are men who are ostensibly looking for a long term relationship only interested in talking about sex during get to know you chat. Obviously there will be s3x, that's the ONE THING that we for sure have in common. I'm sure you're great and would do amazing things. Aren't you interested in any other aspects of the other party? Curious what I do for a living? Curious what my hobbies are?

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I’d bet the reasons are many, but I feel it’s because many men don’t know how to be a friend first and a sexual partner second, even when they say that’s what they want.

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Because too many guys (bottoms particularly) are too tied into sexual roles, everything else is a distant second or third on their list.

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I mean I get that. So say youre a bottom. Ask if that's cool. And then move on with the convo. Not turn every question into how you want me to rail you. Or where. Or when.

I’m just getting out of a relationship and in a casual phase and keep finding guys who want to profess their feelings for me and want to go on dates. Maybe we only attract the opposite of what we want because I remember having the issue you’re describing years ago when I was dating.

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That’s based on lots of insecurity and unresolved pain. If that’s where they start, there likely isn’t a good ending. The big problem is the rarity of really decent well-adjusted guys. My son has recently been very lucky.

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They want to make sure you’re compatible that way? But yeah not into that question so early on either.

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It's not a question. It's the sole topic of conversation. It's more me being told what they will do to me or they expect me to do to them in graphic detail. You haven't even told me if you like dogs yet.

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I would guess because it’s very frustrating to get attached to someone that you don’t have a sexual synergy. I had a great connection with my last partner. We could talk for hours on funny topics or very deep discussions about life. But our sex was not good. For both parts. We kept the relationship for while and it was very painful to end it. So I would only start another relationship with someone that I have a great sexual connection too. Otherwise it’s very frustrating. We have multiple needs and a partner has to fulfill them.

Where are you having these convos? I never talk sex on dating apps right away, aside from confirming we have compatible roles. Are you in your 20s, in which case these guys aren’t actually interested in commitment and they’re just using dating apps to source hookups?

OP - Nothing wrong at all with your response/feelings. I know you don’t need to be validated by me but it seems like your head is screwed on right 👍 - which often is not the norm. Best wishes finding the right person going forward!

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