Any men that have stay at home wives… what are the pros and cons from your perspective? How did you get to a point where the benefits outweighed the negatives? Did you have an amazing career breakthrough or just make sacrifices?

I have a stay at home husband - does that count?

You really gotta set the understanding of what their responsibilities will be as a stay at home person. My wife stopped working and pretty much just plays tennis and has lunch with her friends. And shops a lot. It’s like you lose the income and then get the spending of being free all day :)

I love the comments and I am just learning that indeed SAHDs are real and not just in the movies, this is beautiful; it's a new concept as it's not common (I never saw this) in Nigeria.

I have worked over 10 years in big 4 accounting and was also a mum (had 3 kids while working) during this time and also climbed the corporate ladder (just not as fast as I would without Kids, but I was definitely above average). Childcare was so affordable in Nigeria (you could get day care as low as $25 per month more depending on your preference).

However, since I came here (North America) for my postgraduate degree, I have been schooling and staying home with the kids and I have to say the past year has been so so fulfilling that I am becoming tempted to make it a full time thing! The big smile on the faces of your kids as you wave them goodbye to school, the real time update on what's happening in school, having the opportunity to watch all of their plays and presentations especially as they are in a new school and an entirely new environment, it's all so priceless.

When at home, you get to experience this quietness! The sweet sweet pace of nothingness! I just sit sometimes and smile and thank God for this rare opportunity to just be at my own pace! I get to pick up the kids and just go to the museum or a park or just for Ice cream! In the past I would have to negotiate that we do it on a weekend or a holiday!

Yes, I have to keep up with Grad school, but that's honestly easier than work (consulting), lol.

But on the flip side! I sometimes miss the adrenaline rush to meet deadlines. I miss the hustle and bustle of the city! I miss my work friends! I miss debating legislations and judgements! I miss training new recruits! And of course, I miss the financial rewards!

The last year has eaten deep into our savings and tested us as a family, but it has been nothing short of bliss! My kids say they love just waking up to see me and just coming back with updates lol!

So in summary, I'll say write out the pros and cons, do a 3 months dry run and see how it feels and the good thing is you've built expertise so you can always return to work, check through your company's handbook to see what opportunities you qualify for. All the best!

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I have a stay at home husband! AMA!

We don’t have that YET. But my spouse would absolutely love to be home after cracking their arse for 15 years in their industry. To work on a new skill, to organize our home, to work on converting our backyard into a functional garden/lounge. Pick up the kids and make meals, do laundry. We could get a dog finally! There’s a CVS receipt sized list has we could get to as a family including vacations and just fun day trips if one of us was home. I would need to add another $50K to my salary and I’m sure it would be temporary but wish it I!

My husband has always essentially been a SAH- Husband (now Dad). He got his masters when I started working, then played poker as his income, then had to stop due to Covid, and we've lived off my income ever since. For a very long time that was 80-120k. Now my income skyrocketed to ~400, so it doesn't matter. In fact I love having him home for tons of flexibility for our family!

This one's tough. It's been difficult. I'm not really sure how to answer the question that simply, but I can say it's mostly sacrifices. I've been fortunate that my salary has grown with my family, and we can manage our lifestyle without many luxuries—but that's all relative.

I think be prepared to ask tough questions, and be real with yourselves. How's your financial literacy? What is a fair division of household maintenance? How do you spend your time? Do you have enough employable skills to return to the workforce, or is time away a disadvantage? What if the earner dies?

You will never regret a decision to stay home or go parttime. Enjoy it and downsize if need be, They need you and my kids the best days of their childhood was when I was part time and home when they got home from school.

The biggest benefit we found was enough to make it all worth it:
When she was at home, she took care of all the household to-dos during the day which allowed us to actually have our time together be focused on enjoying each other. We didn't realize what a gift that was until our financial circumstances changed and she needed to go back work. Then our off-the-clock hours were filled with things like laundry, meal prep, making appointments, etc. rather than spending time together - it's awful in comparison.

Dear poster, have you considered maybe trying it out for a bit? Like taking a leave of absence to experience being a SAHM and see how you and your partner fare. Sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side until we experience things, even a little bit. Wishing you the best, from one mom to another

I make a tiny fraction of what everybody in this thread is posting. I should not complain because I don’t work much and not many hours and still able to spend time with my toddler. Let’s just say I work close to part time but with enough hours to keep my benefits. With my small income I am able to pay off credit card debt I have amassed and pay our insurance.

I stayed home for twelve years. We sacrificed some but also saved a lot on child care and other things we would have needed to outsource otherwise. Once my youngest started school, I went back full time but now I work from home so I'm still able to be here when they get off the bus. Just keep in mind that her staying home doesn't have to be forever..:unless you both want it to!

My wife was a private school teacher (they make less than public school teachers) in the DMV. Her monthly take home after our first was less than the cost of full time child care, we basically had no choice. Made sacrifices, retirement took a hit from reducing contributions for a while to stay on top of things. Have a much better job now, and our third on the way lol after the first it’s really not much more expensive if you’re not relying on your spouses income, so we’ve been steady. I can’t wait for her to go back even part time after they’re in school full time though to put her whole paycheck into retirement however

My husband stays home and I work. My comp was ~ $230,000 at the time that decision was made. He was a teacher making ~$80,000 (we live in a HCOL area). We knew we would be fine on my salary alone and the cost of full time daycare would massively eat into his financial contribution. He wanted to stay home, I didn’t push. He does all the cooking and cleaning in addition to primary parent during the work week. My husband is also the type to get easily overwhelmed and so I’m glad we don’t have the stress of him being a working parent.

I think the only con, and it’s a major one, is he seemed more fulfilled when he was working.

My wife didn’t have a degree and wasn’t working towards a career when we had our first. I make more but these days I’ve taken a second part time job. We’ll still be young when ours are old enough to move out or have jobs off their own, etc.

Do you have children that she is caring for all day? Childcare is +$1200/month for an infant and around +$900/month for a 1 or 2 year old. A MONTH. And that's on the cheap side. IF you have kids, count how much you are saving just in childcare. Also, yall should be working together to budget for food and all expenses. This economy doesn't help much with that, so you have to make the extra effort to cook meals at home that you can stretch out.

I had stay at home wife but she didn’t clean or cook and help much…