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I sometimes just take a day off from work and not tell anyone in the family. I snuggle up in bed with my iPad and snacks and just tune out the world and focus on me. I might even take a bath. A nap. Run away to Home Goods. At first it felt selfish but I realized it’s a necessity- like sleep or water or air. The self care and alone time is sooooooo necessary. And I don’t get it often honestly but sometimes just knowing it’s there when I need it helps me get by.
I do this as OFTEN AS I CAN. MY husband catches on after the fact when he sees shopping bags, and notices things done around the house. Him: No work today? Me: N O P E. 😈
I've been known to announce that I'm just done for awhile and I'm going take an entire afternoon/evening/day to myself, and everyone needs to solve their own problems until I'm ready to get back on the job again. Then, I read, go for a drive/walk, watch bad TV or whatever I want. It's been enlightening to them to see how much I do, all because I stop doing it for a while. I don't have to make that announcement as frequently anymore. But don't be afraid to go on strike.
I did this today and it was exactly what I needed
I’m there. Have been for a couple of months. Professional success drives and fulfills me. But it also drove my marriage to the ground. Now I’m trying to find “myself”, between caring for and teaching kids, keeping up the house, doing anything and everything I can to make up for years of spousal abandonment, and trying to keep up a normal semblance of work. Something has to give.
My hope for any new parent is that you find your niche, your outlet, your passion, aside from your career, your child, and your spouse. When you pour everything into just a few baskets, and they all get smashed together WFH, you realize how unstable a tripod is. I am working to try to rebuild my marriage, continue encouraging my kids, maintain a career and establish a fourth leg to help provide a balance. I’ve always felt guilty spending time on something that wasn’t moving an aspect of my life forward, but I realize now that attitude was short sighted.
Balance is crucial. If I’d had spent more time on me, I may not have accelerated quite as fast in my career and my kids might not have been the top athlete or star student. But that’s ok, I wish I would have taken more time to stop and smell the roses along my journey.
I don’t have an answer VP, but I don’t think you are alone. I hope you can grab this opportunity to find your own balance in this crazy new normal .
Rising Star
I looove my kid. And she’s pretty self reliant, but her quarantine habit has become leaving her room at every class break or end of day or end of activity and saying, “Mama?” With this expectation in her voice. It’s cute as hell and charming and I love seeing her so much but man, oh man, would I like to shower in peace just once this year.
Me too. My 6 year old says momma 1,345,532 times a day.
Yupppppp
Yeah, I’ve been able to avoid crying by just being too tired. And maybe, a bit dehydrated.
This is SO hard. I will try to practice what I preach: Be gentle with yourself. This isn’t happening forever. Drink more water.
I’ve just started walking every morning, by myself. Been doing this for 2weeks. My husband is having to get up earlier to look after our kids for 30-45min and no matter the weather I get outside in the morning. It’s not crazy exercise but it has been amazing for my mental health. I listen to affirmations, podcasts or a book.
It definitely doesn’t solve the exhaustion but it’s helping me recharge a little.
Same. I go for a jog. It’s difficult AF getting up and out some mornings (with a baby keeping me up at night) but it does wonderful things for the mental health. And as an additional perk it’s also helped with the baby weight. Win win.
Take that PTO, put spouse in charge of childcare, and just leave for a day. It’s incredibly recharging. You gotta make that space for yourself. A burned out mama isn’t good for anyone.
Second the walk idea upthread. I do this twice a day, in the morning and in the evening, to replace my daily commute. I take my coffee with me and listen to music or a podcast. Nothing but commiseration here, OP. Between the constant slack pings, emails, zoom calls, and needy family, it’s just exhausting.
I don’t have the solution. But the question and all the comments made me realize that I’m not the only one. It’s mom, mom, mom all day long. When one leaves the room, the other one comes around, when that one leaves, the husband shows up. When they all finally leave I can’t remember what it was that I was supposed to be doing. The struggle is real.
Following. Same. My kid even complains when dada changes her and demands mama change her diaper 😩