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Mid thirties. In my friend group, only two people have kids. One each. The rest of us don’t—and for me, that started with fertility issues. But as I’ve gotten older and watched what friends and others go through financially, emotionally, and mentally, I’ve realized I’m okay with where I landed.
My husband and I have our dogs, and we genuinely enjoy our life being just us. I also don’t feel that pressure anymore—that idea that you have to have kids to have a full or meaningful life. I’m fulfilled doing things on my own terms, and that feels right for me.
I understand that having children is priceless for you. What’s not priceless is trying to imply someone else’s life is less because it looks different. That kind of assumption is unnecessary. I have a large, loving family, nieces and nephews I adore, strong friendships, and a full life. Fertility struggles aren’t exactly a casual choice, either. Fulfillment looks different for everyone — and I’m very secure in mine.
Out of my core friend group, only one of us has a child. We’re in our late thirties, and some of us are turning 40 this year. So it does seem like fewer people I know are having children. On the other hand, my brother has four kids so when I take them out to do kid activities, there are hundreds of kids around us. So it’s probably all about your hanging out with.
All my friends and coworkers have kids and in multiples, they make us feel bad for settling for one
This is very real, as birth rates have been falling everywhere in the world over the last 200 years. People want to blame affordability, but it’s primarily modernization and shifting lifestyles. The opportunity cost of having children today is enormous compared to the 1950s. Kids also aren’t needed to help out on the farm anymore, and child mortality rates have plummeted. You don’t need to have 6 kids and assume only 2 will survive to 18.
There’s also WAY more to do these days. You can work remotely and travel the world for cheap. You can live in Miami and party your heart out. Major sun belt cities with warm climates and amenities for young people like Phoenix, Miami, Orlando, Tampa, Austin, and Las Vegas etc., didn’t really come up until after WWII. Not to mention the internet and tv. People think paid leave policies and more generous welfare will fix this, yet Northern and Western Europe have the exact same birth rate issues we do, often worse.
Your review of history is more or less accurate, but I believe we are nearing a tipping point. You can’t possibly believe that the planet can sustain endless exponential growth?
It’s sort of a feedback loop. If you have kids you will necessarily make friends with other people who have kids (if nothing else, school classmates’ parents).
To your point about paying for childcare/school, I think most low-to-middle income parents just make a Faustian bargain and resign themselves to never being able to retire. Some people also have family nearby who help with free childcare, and choose public school.
It’s true, but in my experience even those coworkers gravitate toward other people in the office who they know have kids.
It’s hit or miss. Lots of people getting married and having kids later.
You are correct which compared to other generations, fewer Gen Zs are having children, in long term relationships, and getting married.
Shoot! I feel like with COVID it’s been the complete opposite IMO. Might be my bubble, though