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New here! Can you please like my post :)
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Congratulations! The 6 months will fly and you’ll be in 2025 before you know it.
I’d advise to do nothing in the interim but stay the course. Now is not the time for dramatic action at work nor the time to incite drama with your partner. Pregnancy sucks.
I second dad happy hours. I have a neighborhood dad pack of 10-15 dads who get together once a month from 8:15-10:30pm. The convos are rarely about kids or wives and almost always just nice BS with random weirdos.
Also second opinions that maybe post-pat leave is the time to consider an exit. No employer or coworker will ever fault your decision to step off the carousel for a few years while you adjust to these new dynamics.
A wise Partner once told me kid 3 was his sign to take a corporate job, which he happily held until his youngest started middle school. Then he hopped right back into consulting as a Partner.
I feel the same, OP (have 2, feel like no time for self or couple, only work and family).
One thing I’ve tried to do (albeit unsuccessfully) is have a conversation with my wife about how we can plan so that WE can EACH get more of what we need. Obviously need to understand (and openly acknowledge) how things need to evolve over time given pregnancy, childbirth, beastfeeding, body changes. But the crux of it should be an understanding of what each partner needs and how each partner can support the other in getting there.
I’ll let you know if I make any headway but that’s all I got right now.
Congratulations on the pregnancy and wish you all the best!
💯
My wife and I have had to do a ton of work on our communication skills after our 2nd, there’s just too much to do and it’s easy to get lost in your own chaos/stress. I had always thought of myself as a really good communicator, but you have to take it to a whole new level when kids come into play.
I don’t know if everyone struggles with this but my wife and I were very uncomfortable saying tangible things we wanted from each other, it almost felt like an admission of our own failings, but it’s helped out so much now that both of us are getting better at asking for what we want/need.
To give an example: in the past I might have said things like “I’m just so tired and overwhelmed” and expected her to get the hint that I need some help, and these days it’s more “I’m burnt out, I need an afternoon off in the next week or two but I know your also burnt out so what can I do for you as well?”
I called an audible on the idea of #3 to my wife. She hated me for about 6 months, but has recently started mentioning how having 2 is perfect.
I wanted 6 btw. But understanding that as the “head” (pillar) of the home, you have to make some hard decisions was pivotal. The words “I’m tired” and “this isn’t easy” really struck me.
She’s the body.
Hang in there! Maybe try to find some activity with other dads. I am not sure where are you located, we have new dads group in DC. Always fun, we try to do happy hours after bed time every month.
Hang in there. This job ain’t for the faint of heart.
I was just let go after struggling over the past year after having my second and only working half the year because of Pat leave and taking an earned sabbatical.
Imo looking for a new gig is a good idea. It felt impossible for me to do while working and I regret not doing it while on leave. Now I’m scrambling to find a new gig in 3 months.
When you go on pat leave, if you’re struggling this much, I’d advise an exit.
May not apply for you, but I found outsourcing the stuff you don’t want to do really well worth the money. We have a daily housekeeper that will clean, do laundry, change sheets, and cook. That means when I’m not working, taking care of the family means playing with the kids and not cooking/cleaning.
This is definitely a huge luxury, and totally understand it’s not an option for everyone.
Pushing the boundaries of WFH has also been really helpful when it seems like there’s not enough hours in the day.
BTW - we’re expecting #3 in early-November. Congrats!
So I remarried, and had a 3rd. He’s 20 mos old now. My oldest are 8 and 6. It’s definitely a day to day balancing act with lots of 90 day calendar projections and coordination between two households. Overall, once both older kids hit full time school age, life got much easier. Youngest is in full-time nanny share in our hood. Both ex and current wife work full time also. You just learn to take everything as it comes.
That’s what you signed up for
It does get easier after they get a little older but that’s the job. Those little people they are priority 1, not work, and certainly not you