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her crush on them was old news, and she's still with you because she LOVES you- not them. she didn't ever act on her crush and it was so long ago that you shouldn't worry. i've had crushes on so many different people but it doesn't mean anything if we didn't actually date. feelings are feelings and we can't control them so it's not fair to be mad at her for them if she didn't act on it. and because it was so long ago, it's not even relevant anymore and she clearly doesn't feel that way now. i think you can kind of look at it like having a crush on a celebrity. i think michael b jordan is fineeee but that doesn't take away from my feelings or love for my bf
the real question is why did you feel the need to invade her privacy and snoop through her phone???
At times you may be in your happy innocent bubble before the so-called snooping. Some of the other commenters shared relevant personal experiences
Rising Star
My bf was being weird with his phone (and also acting weird in general), I told myself to trust him and not to think about it because according to the moral police, I am the one with issues if I don’t trust him and go thru his phone. Half a year later, I was on his phone looking thru vacation pictures, turned out he was seeing someone else on the side for half a year. I would love to live in the world where everyone’s privacy is respected AND no one cheats, but here we are.
Meanwhile, about the crush, come on, I would’ve chosen Hugh Jackman. Girls say these things, kinda like gossiping, but about ourselves, we don’t mean it. For OP, it’s too close to home because the guy is your friend, but you are getting upset about something that didn’t happen. Have you ever said something to your friends and you wouldn’t want your gf to find out?
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If you invaded your gf’s privacy, I think you might have bigger problems than her having had a crush on someone else in the past 🤷🏻♀️
Rising Star
This ^
Went through my GF’s phone after she was acting suspicious, guarding her screen and constantly texting someone. Turned out it was her ex, and she was texting him stuff that that made it obvious why she’d hide it from me.
What I’m saying is sometimes the “invasion of privacy” is warranted when the privacy is being taken advantage of. I suspect you’re not a crazy person, and your suspicions were aroused by something. But the catch-22 of looking at a partner’s phone is either you find something which justifies it, or there’s nothing there and you look like a crazy person. Cue these folks here claiming you’re a control-freak.
That said, if it bothers you this much, the person to talk to about it is your partner. As others pointed out, she’s with YOU, not your friend. But if her past feelings for him make you uneasy, come clean about looking at her phone, and confront her directly about what you saw. If her answer is satisfactory to you, then you need to explain why you looked in the phone and apologize for doing so.
Why in the world are you snooping through texts from over a year ago???
If I may add, i think there is a trust issue early on in the relationship and that is hard to overcome or repair. There seems to still be suspicion and it may be something that will linger. Relationships with trust issue have a hard time of succeeding long term if things arent addresses and settles in an effective manner. Something to keep in mind.
Next time maybe keep the drug reasoning to yourself, wasnt a necessary share, though I agree with the Principal but it brought a perspective im sure you didnt want to hear.
Well it depends on the context of the situation. Does she still like him or did she just like him in the past?
As a girl, I find my bfs friends attractive and successful and if I wasn’t with him a few of them would’ve been good contenders 🤣 but I don’t love them, I dont plan on leaving my bf for them, I’m not expressing feelings for any of them. Like EY said, this is just something girls chat about for fun. If nothing ever happened between them you are getting very upset for no reason besides a little jealousy
On the flip side, if she is actually having feelings for your friend then that’s an issue. I don’t know why she would date you or why you would date her if from day 1, she has liked this guy. And if that is the case then break up with her bc she is just wasting your time lol
Chatting about that for fun is toxic tbh. It’s right up there with boys will be boys
Pro
Here’s what I would post on fishbowl if I were your gf:
“Need some advice - my boyfriend went through my phone the other day and scrolled through private conversations to back before we were even dating. At the time, he and I were in the same friend group, and I had a crush on his best friend. Nothing ever happened, and I’ve not expressed anything about liking his friend since we started dating.
I love my bf, but this was a huge violation of my trust. Worst of all, he’s making me feel like I did something wrong by being attracted to someone else besides him. Red flag or deal breaker - your boyfriend goes through your phone and gets mad at you for something you felt way before you even dated. Like wtf?!!”
Imagine your SO fawning over your best friend saying they know they’ll never be together but would have probably chosen them because they’re so fine
Pro
Get over yourself! You’re clearly looking for sympathy for this very bad thing you have done.
Why exactly did you look at her phone in the first place? Did you have a suspicion she liked him? If so, why did you start dating her?
Moreover, why is physical attraction so important to you? If after a year you don’t think your relationship is more important than a physical crush then just end it.
FYI this whole story is red flag personified. Red flag being your behaviour I am sorry to say!
Dump her my brother. You are not a consolation prize. Imagine if you texted your homies saying that you wish you could date your gf’s best friend instead of her and she saw that. Even if you thought it, the fact that she put it in writing means she doesn’t respect you or y’all’s relationship.
Dump her and tell her to go date (insert friend’s name) instead