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How do you wind down after a rough day?
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This is tough and I’m sure we all struggle with it. I certainly do. Things that have helped me:
- religion: helps me focus on things of an eternal nature and worry less about earthly status or wealth, which I can’t take with me
- family: all the “success” and accolades in the world won’t make up for failures in the home
- physical health: ensure you’re drinking enough water, eating well, sleeping enough, exercising, and getting outside every day and into nature often. This will then also pay dividends with respect to mental health
- reflection: think back on how far you’ve come, what skills you’ve developed, people you’ve taught or trained, and what you have accomplished during your career so far. You’ve probably come a lot further than you think. Comparison is the thief of joy.
- sacrifice: consider what those you view as successful have sacrificed in order to get there. Are those sacrifices worth it to you? Per above, many successful partners I’ve worked with have been divorced or are in awful physical health, having complications and major surgeries much earlier in life than they should have. They work vacations. They rarely unplug. They often look haggard and miserable. Those sacrifices are not worth it to me, so I do not care about obtaining that kind of “success”.
- define yourself appropriately, for you: this is personal, but I’ll share what I mean for me. I do not define myself as a lawyer, much less a lawyer at [firm]. I define myself as a son of God, husband, father, and friend. That is who I am. Being a lawyer is what I do. I can do lots of things to provide for myself and family if I needed to. Reframing in that way makes the work seem less important, in a healthy way.
- focus on what you can control: this is largely your attitude and behaviors. Are you saving enough? Are you scheduling time for things important to you? Do you do the things important to you early in the day, so that if work balloons or fires need to be put out later it’s less stressful for you? Are you taking time to learn new skills if you feel like you’re stagnating? Be intentional with your calendar and prioritize the tasks that matter most, not whichever person in your email is the whiniest.
You got this! 💪
Powerful, my fellow colleague! You need to do a webinar for attorneys on this. Maybe you already have! 😀
1. None of this matters, really. We’ve been sold this rat-race indoctrination.
2. Not sure about your personal life, whether you’re married, have a significant other, or have children. But focus on that for fulfillment instead of worrying about what others think of your life & career (make no mistake, that’s what underlying your angst).
Try not to (only if you are) compare yourself to others. Set reasonable goals for yourself and be happy/excited when you achieve them. As others have mentioned, the profession is a bit competitive. I try finding rewarding things outside of work like pro bono or spending time with loved ones to focus on. It’s helped with anxiety and just overall happiness tremendously. I have better perspective on life as a result.
Thank you for this question! Curious to read the responses as I feel this way at times. But my feelings of inadequacy are based on what I don’t have and/or who I don’t know. My ability to practice law and be a solid advocate? Not an issue.
I don’t think I ever will. Ppl around me are wildly more successful.