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My best friend in law school was a guy, im a female, and it was not well received by my boyfriend at the time. It was very platonic and he was literally my best friend. My boyfriend, now ex, was extremely jealous. It turned out my ex had cheated on me. Unless you've done something to warrant mistrust, jealousy can be a projection, or lingering issues from a prior relationship.
Now I've been in an 8 year long relationship with someone where there are no trust issues. I still have my friend from law school and he has female friends. We have real established trust. There's no hiding anything, no secrets, no lying. As long as you are being honest and trustworthy, any jealousy is their issue they need to work on. Now if you are neglecting your spouse, that may be a different story. But it sounds like there could be a deeper issue there.
Exactly this! I’m a woman and I have lots of male colleagues and friends. My husband trusts me, so it’s not an issue.
define close? if you rely another coworker for emotional support and companionship to the extent that it worries your partner, it probably signals and unhealthy attachment to work and that work partner
People’s views of marriage and what to do what not to do are so different that it’s hard to say what you should do in this situation. Do you love your spouse and value their opinion more than you like your work friend and their opinion?
Are you able to invite this coworker to a get-together where your spouse will be present? Give them an opportunity to get to know one another, being the goal. They may hit it off and your spouse become more comfortable with the situation or, alternatively, it could underscore their concerns. If the latter, you probably need to do some soul-searching and consider whether there is a way to politely distance yourself from a close friendship while maintaining civility and continuing to work with this person.
Nip it. Keep it purely professional. This can be catastrophic not only for your marriage but your career. From an L & E perspective, I have seen these friendships go south (claims of harassment, infidelity etc). Not a good look. Just treat her like any co worker no need to go past that. Unless you want to start an affair or a messy situation.
This is sage advice. It sounds like OP may have feelings for this coworker.
You should hook up with them and see if sparks fly, you may forever regret it if you don’t
Rising Star
Famous last words…
I’ve had periods of life where almost all my closest friends were women and others when it flipped and almost all were men. When my closest friends were men also happened to be when my now-husband and I were long distance. It was an absolute non-issue. My guy friends routinely stayed over at my house after a night out and my husband never said a word. Why? Because he knew them and he trusted me. He also has had very close women friends and even met up with one for a couple of nights on an international trip he took that I couldn’t go on because of work commitments. Did it bother me? No, again because I knew the woman, had hung out with her and him together and most importantly trusted my husband. If someone is going to cheat on you, they will find a way. If someone is going to be faithful to you, it doesn’t matter if the most gorgeous person in the world throws themselves at them. It’s all about trust and maturity and not hiding anything.
You need to have boundaries with your co workers. You must put your wive’s wants and needs first. More importantly, put God first. You can go out together with your work friends, but it’s should never be one on one. You need to respect your marriage.
What if he doesn't believe in God?
All my closest work friends are men and I’m a woman. My husband doesn’t care at all and has met them all and their spouses. It’s not weird and it’d unfortunately be pretty lonely in M&A if I could only be friendly with women
Tell your spouse your coworker is gay/lesbian. Tell your coworker you are gay/lesbian. Problem solved.
lol
I think you might be walking the danger line.
Do you value that friendship more than your marriage? That kind of trust issue doesn't come out of no where. Have you cheated before?
Have not cheated before. I’ve also worked with mainly the other sex through my career. My spouse is conscious about appearance. I value my marriage more definitely, but still value the friendship. Also, I don’t think the other person sees this as anything else.
When I first moved to this country (I was a teenager back then) I thought everyone is dating 10 people at a time. I was obviously misled by Gossip Girl LOL
I do think it’s a good idea to stay as professional as possible though.
Sounds like it won’t be an issue so long as you guys don’t start hooking up
Why is your spouse less than thrilled?
I am friends with men at work and my husband is friends with women at work and we are fine. (Trust game on lock after 3 years of long distance and now 8 years of marriage). But I also would distance myself from those relationships if he was uncomfortable with them and I know he would do the same for me.
I had a work spouse whose actual spouse worked at the same place for a while. We were never both single at the same time, but did have some marriage overlap during the ~10 years we had the same employer.