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You might need more boundaries with work: keep a set schedule, avoid early/late emails and chats, accept great instead of perfect. One of my favorite quotes for this is, “not my circus, not my monkeys.” Many of aspects of our work are under our influence but not under our control.
At the end of the day, our jobs don’t have to be our passions or life’s meaning. They are basically ways for us to earn income and have benefits to live intentionally outside 9-5.
Side note: there’s enough online entertainment (tv, YouTube, music, etc.) to last several lifetimes. Now is the time to not feel guilty for your binge-watching habits. Lol
Rising Star
Don’t think of it as caring “less” about work. Think of it as caring “more” about yourself and your family. there are lots of jobs and career options out there. Your health and your family are much harder to replace
Enthusiast
This and the fact that if you died today your position would be filled tomorrow.
Worry about what you can control. You can control the quality of your work and how you react to others. You can not control how others act or what they decide so don’t stress over it. I learned several years ago that luck plays such a huge factor in outcomes that I stopped worrying about how things turn out and focused on just the things I can control. Helped a lot. Also helps you see that most people spend all their energy worrying about things completely out of their control.
Chief
Definitely lower your standards a little at work, things don’t have to be perfect. And change your perspective a little from “live to work” to “work to live”.
Explore some new hobbies that can be done on your own. Reading, art, hiking, exercising
Read the book: the subtle art of not giving a f**k. It discusses this at length in a humorous manner, with very actionable tips and tricks.
Chief
I was in the same place. I talked more with co workers, hanging out with them and talk about non-work stuff. Everyone values work differently.
I'm an immigrant, so I literally moved here for the work... it was a purpose in itself to be successful at work (because that literally translated to being successful in life). It was easy to see not everyone values work as I do.
As I managed others, I learned to find out what motivates them and I speak that language. A common goal is easy: and sometimes that common goal isn't better quality work... I've found making the goal for an enjoyable workplace to be a better common goal most will align with.
This can mean: smarter work (not repetitive work), shorter unnecessary meetings, discussion (not push back), allowing others to speak up (not dominating the table). If you can somehow tie it back to making work enjoyable for all, it is a goal people will work with you to achieve.... something like this: "If you make this deck perfect from the get-go, there will be no requests for revisions... better yet, the client starts to trust your work. In the distant future, they won't ask for decks unless their boss needs it - they will just be happy to see you sketch it out. Work becomes easy"
Chief
Love this advice. Great perspective.
Rising Star
Read The Four Agreements. Changed my whole perspective.
You might need to reflect and examine if you actually care as much as you do... or convincing yourself you care and are more consequential to the work than you actually are and just causing yourself unneeded stress. Everything you stated above points more to the latter than the former.
Focus more on you and your personal life. Train for a 1/2 marathon or study Chinese for an hour a day... You, do you.
I really resonated with this post- I just left my current job and fear the same will happen to me in my new position. I’m leaving public hoping the intense pressure will go away, but not sure that’s realistic.
I would work for you in a heartbeat OP. I struggle every day at work feeling the same way.
Care, but have strong boundaries.
I long forgot about this post and then someone shared it today and it’s incredible how relevant it is to me at this moment. I was good for a long while, was able to establish a good WLB once Covid restrictions eased up, and was generally happier, but now find myself back in this same situation, especially this week. Thank you everyone who commented and to whoever unintentionally reminded me of this post.
What do you mean when you say you “cant have much a life outside of work”?
Standup comedy is still a thing! Checkout nowherecomedyclub. Great headliners, still doing shows!