I just recently got married and when managers/leadership talk about their kids they will say to me “I don’t know if you want kids in the future but…” a lot. I am honestly scared to answer because I’m up for promotion to manager within the next year or so. I don’t want it to impact my eligibility for the promotion. Has anyone else gone through this? What did you say/do?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

It’s none of their business just tell them you’re focused on your career right now and have no plans in the next few years, but have kids when you and your spouse are ready and don’t tell them.

like

I would not tell them until you are pregnant and further along (12-16 weeks). They don’t need to know.. it’s not worth it to open the door to possible discrimination.

like

I waited until I was 20 weeks pregnant (so mostly past the risk of miscarriage in an otherwise healthy pregnancy) to say anything, and when I did, I put it in writing. I sent an email to my manager, my director and the LoA coordinator letting them know that I was pregnant and I intended to take my full maternity leave benefit.

I’m lucky I worked from home and could pretty easily hide my morning sickness and fatigue so they really were surprised, but having it in writing I felt covered my ass a bit more. My work was really good and hadn’t dipped at all in the first trimester so if they’d wanted to terminate me for pregnancy, they’d have had a tough time.

It’s non of their business. 🤔

like

I had a client once ask point blank if I want kids (after telling her I recently got married in a “get to know you” convo).
I heard an idea (but I’m not big on lying so I won’t be doing it). If anyone asks, say you’ve been told you can’t have kids. Then they treat you well career-wise, and if you do get pregnant they’re happy for you because it’s a miracle.

likesmart

Unless they’re posing it as a question don’t say anything. Or you can give an off handed “whoa, still adjusting to just being married…” in a joking kind of way to evade the topic of kids completely. The flip side from my perspective is that it is considerate of them not to assume that having kids is your next logical life step. I know a few couples that have opted not to have kids and that is totally fine too!

like

Don't read into it. Most likely, they're probably just trying to respectfully acknowledge that you may or may not eventually have kids, so the topic may or may not interest you.

likehelpful

Say nothing, none of their business

I don’t think I understand the issue. They are talking about their kids and they’re recognizing that you may or may not want yourself. It’s really up to you how you respond and you either
- divert to another loved one who has kids so you can lead to the conversation (my sister’s strategy)
- you confess to them that you’ve had multiple miscarriages or are trying IVF and it’s really sensitive subject for you (my manager’s confession)
- you explain you’d like kids but not while life saving abortion is not safe (my friend’s stance)
- you flat out tell them although I do not want kids, I can only imagine the joy/struggle you are experiencing. (A colleague’s DINK stance)

You don’t have to show your cards.

I always say of course! Just be confident and talk about how you see yourself in the firm long term (if that comes up). “MD or Partner track”. I haven’t had issues with promotions and was out on maternity leave once already. Trying for baby #2 right now!

If your having kids would preclude you from a promotion you are qualified for, then you work for a sorry organization, with even sorrier "leaders".

Related Posts

It's my first time doing it.

Post Photo
like

Favorite halal restaurant in Boston? Help a Muslim brother out 😅

likesmart

Our employee satisfaction survey is tied to our performance goals. Meaning, if we rate management badly, we cannot meet 10% of our goals which in turn affects our bonuses and raises. We asked HR but they didn’t do anything about it. Is this normal? Is this legal? If not, what else can we do about it?

like

Coming up for air and hearing of looming freelance/contractor opportunities. DM me if you’re a senior producer and interested and and available for a gig in-house, brand-side for a cable/tech project. Fast paced, all remote, but team is on East Coast so those would be the hours.

like

Just thought there needed to be a place to talk about the Bachelor

like

Hello,

Can anyone refer me for a job opening in accenture?


Thanks in advance.

like

Anyone here broken into real estate private equity from big 4 consulting? What steps did you take to jump into RE PE? What gaps in knowledge did you have and how did you fill them? Outside of the knowledge gaps what other things do you think you needed in order to get into RE PE?

like

Joining UMM PE as associate, option to use my own phone + $50/mo stipend, or get company phone. Any recommendations?

Like the idea of separating work/personal but recognize two phones is annoying.

like

Hi All! I recently started my own Private Equity firm. Searching for any big do’s, dont’s, or hard lessons you learned along the way. Do any veteran entrepreneurs/PE partners or staff members have advice they would like to pass down? I know early on in my consulting career there are many things I wish I could go back and tell myself.

As always, thank you all! 🐟

likeupliftinghelpful

Anyone ever transitioned from account to integrated production? Any tips or suggestions?

like

Hi Fishes, I am Market Research Analyst, can someone recommend what course or skill upgradation, will help me to grow my career in consulting.?

Any good referrals for criminal defense attorney in PA? The sister of someone I know was accosted while moving, she went indoors and called the police who did not show, then once back outdoors she got into an altercation w/ the person who accosted her but was only trying to defend herself. Now the aggressor has pressed charges. Please lmk ASAP !

likehelpful

Which would you pick: MBB strategy consultant or FAANG Product Manager ?
Looking to explore... have 1 interview lined up with MBB, but seems like FAANG PM pays more?
I am currently at 3.5 YOE and hoping for Manager promo this PA cycle, but for sure know I will not be making the same $$$ at Accenture

like

Looking to pivot into managerial. Can someone take a look at my resume? Tips would be appreciated as well!

likehelpful

What are the top Management Consulting firms in India?

like

What’s a good, practical tax book to read for someone who knows nothing about taxes? I feel like I should familiarize myself with them but don’t know where to start/find the topic very overwhelming and dense even as a finance attorney. Welcome to other beginning finance book suggestions too! (Already read Kiyosaki and Ramsey)

like

Do you think all these violent and hate filled attacks are because people aren't getting the emotional/mental support they need, whether it's therapy at any age or help they needed but didn't get from a social worker as a child? My coworker is sure this is the case, but I honestly think there's actually something deeper wrong either with how these people are being raised as children, or how the warning signs these people give off are ignored or swept under the rug to save face.

like

Hello Anyone from the Database team available from HSBC pune location

like

Hi Everyone. I work in Quality Engineering (QA /Test management) . I am a high performer in my group and have been with the firm for 6 years and have gained tremendous knowledge from my peers and mentors. I am looking to switch to work on new challenges. I saw couple job opens in the QA space. Can someone refer me?

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal