If money is not an issue (spouse makes good money but also have generous parents who are very well off so I’m not like dependent on my spouse or anything), would you quit (biglaw for context) and stay home with 2 kids who I love dearly? On one side I love and enjoy mental stimulation and challenges, learning new things, my colleagues who are all very smart (goes back to mental stimulation and challenges), feeling successful outside of the home, etc. on the other side, I feel want to (cont)

In a heartbeat. You could also get a lower-key part-time job. There's a lot of options between the 2000-hour Big Law grind and being a full-time stay-at-home parent.

I did this. I stayed home fully for 6 years and then for the next 6 years I worked very part-time on a contractual basis as in-house counsel for a small company (got the job through connections) and eventually took on a couple of other clients. During those 12 years I also served on several non-profit boards (I still do), volunteered at my kids’ school, volunteered to mediate cases in civil court (after doing a training course). Last year I went back to work full-time as an in-house counsel. My pay is nowhere what it would have been if I had stayed in big law all those years, but we didn’t need the money and I feel very fortunate I had the option to stay home and the ability to return to work when I was ready to. There are loads of things you can do to stay mentally stimulated when you’re not working full time.

Go as low reduced hours as they will let you.

I would love to be able to do that — my mom was a stay at home mom from the time I was 3 until I was about 6 and it was the best. She really gave my siblings and I the best childhood and I’ve really hoped I would be able to do something like that.

It’s not biglaw or nothing. There are plenty of great jobs with a work life balance that will still give you the proper mental stimulation and socialization. It’s not *just* about not relying on a man, even though that’s a big part. You don’t even have to stay in law, but do something with your adult brain that you can earn success from.

Spend time with my kids, be there for them more, teach them, and overall feel I can do better than the nanny to take care of them, guide them, education them, etc… and with my job it’s all just very hard. And then I feel like I’m away from them not out of necessity (because it’s not like I NEED the job for the money) so I feel guilty constantly. What would you do?

In a heartbeat I would leave, but I don’t think I enjoy biglaw as much as it sounds like you do. I’d also suggest discussing with your firm the lowest reduced pace they would allow you to do. That might be a nice compromise. Or maybe ask for something like a 3 month sabbatical to see how much you miss it. Maybe you’ll decide not to go back, or maybe you’ll miss it enough to come back reduced pace.

If I didn’t find a full day with a kid to be a worse slog than a full day at work, yes I would quit the job for sure.

I would transition from biglaw to some type of part time work which gives you flexibility and you can make your own hours. Or just launch your own solo practice! You have the talent and if money is not an issue, this is the perfect opportunity for that. I launched mine with 2 kids and an unemployed husband (thanks high interest rates, my husband’s bank crashed and his work as an appraiser has been non existent for years now). If I can do it, you can also!

F

Somethings to consider that aren’t mentioned…I think it’s valuable for your kids to see you as professional, particularly in a traditionally male dominated field. It means a lot to me that i can look to my mom as a role model as a professional woman in addition to mom. I’ve had several friends I grew up with tell me that they saw my mom as a role model in that way too.