I’m a 38M, divorced about two years back. I’m reasonably healthy and financially stable.

In the last two years, I’ve met three women, all around my age group. I’m starting to notice that all these women carry intense baggage. It all seems great for 3-4 months where they are cute, dressed up, and flirty. Then slowly, I realize they all seem depressed. This is NYC btw. And most of them have never been married.

What is going on? Almost thinking it’s better to stay single as a man.

That’s why you need to play the slow game and let the true person reveal themselves. Better alone than in a bad situation is my motto

Everyone carries baggage including yourself. It's a matter of what are you willing to tolerate.

maybe u r afraid/not ready of deeper intimacy

If say you have options. Date younger, with less baggage and trauma. Girls around 40 are single for a reason. You'll never satisfy them.

Checkout passport bro movement. Girls in other countries are well educated and would love to be married. And they're grateful for the little things. This helps prevent depression in these women, even when they're a bit older.

Age brings baggage

lmfao you deserve to be alone

SBF, Maybe you‘re meeting the women you don’t want in the circles you don’t need be in. My mom used to say two broke people don’t get along AND that includes “broken” If they are unhappy chances are you will be too. ASK QUESTIONS! Find your perfect partner in places that happy people hang not places you feel most comfortable. Ask a friend for an introduction. Happy people like to exercise, sporting events and upscale private events. Good luck/. Because One of The happiest days I’ve ever had was the I walked out of the court room a free woman lol. :-) 19 years ago.

Amusing to know how many women were fooled into thinking the career life is better than motherhood- e.g. through feminism, etc. Now they are paying massive consequences. It's too late for them... and too late for you as well.

As a guy who isn't single, the cornerstone questions I would casually ask if I was ever single again would be (and don't forget to share your own answers to these questions, because it is a two way street) :

What's daily life like when you're not people pleasing? Like free time schedule or alone time?

What are some major events in your life, good and bad?

How do you handle personal setbacks?


These types of questions show that you're genuinely interested in someone, and it's a mild vulnerability between both parties early on. It's going to show how well you can get through daily life together and even elements of loyalty and character. Just don't be a manipulative a-hole using these questions. These questions are for someone genuinely looking for a life partner that wants a loving relationship and not some meniacle ego trip of a relationship. I'd tell the same thing to women looking for a serious relationship.

Another thing to keep in mind, and perhaps if you, yourself are a NY native... a lot of people that are native to that area do have loss trauma from back in 2001, especially in our age group. Parents... and other loved ones...

Hopefully this helps, man. Hopefully you can take some time and find the perfect missing puzzle piece in your life.

Better to date younger. The Wall is absolutely real

I am 43 and had nothing but complaints about the men I dated in the past. One failed marriage and then multiple failed relationships. Always thinking “it is not me!”. This may not be the case for you however, I learned that most of my issues was merely a reflection of myself. Rather I knew I had that issue deep down or not.

So, I try to change up something in my life every three months, give or take, to keep myself grounded and not wanting to put my boots on and take off. I guess you can call it a runner, wanderer, weirdo? Idk - this is just my opinion.
Also, society has not pushed much of relationships, married, kids and white Pickett fences in the last few years. It’s all be changed to “meet and f6ck” or whatever… I’ve never been one for quick fixes, but I will say it seems like since most have somewhat the same issue instead of learning, growing, building most say “meet me at Home Depot in the bathroom in 15 minutes” and then at that moment their desires (yes, somewhat immature but agreed to the point) and wishes for that 15 minutes are satisfied. Quick fixes lead to long term disasters in my opinion and experience. That may be off subject slightly to the left - my apologies :)
Remember- when the time is right and you least expect it she will fall right into your lap.

Not everyone can voice out what they truly feel. Sadly, some people expect the receiving end to read between the lines. That makes it frustrating for the receiver and depressing for the one who's expecting. I think it's best to ask straight if the other person cannot say directly.

That is pretty wide open, are you looking for:
- a permanent relationship;
- a woman who wants children;
- live in the city, or CT, NJ, LonGisland & commute in;
-are you meeting them via groups or orgs that you have joined, or friends of friends;
Maybe join an organization or two that you like, like a running group or hiking or pickleball, and see who you meet there with a common interest. There are delightful women in NY and most locations.

Just be patient and keeping searching, don't be too desperate so you can know there's one.

Just be patient and keeping searching, don't be too desperate so you can know there's one.

Dress up and flirty woman it doesn’t make sense look for maturity with a good heart”look by faith not by sight”

If you have no religious or cultural bindings, you can stay single, and spend your life as you feel like, but it's not easy.

you don’t think that divorce is baggage?

Strange but true, its multifaceted.
The way they see themselves
Where and what they had being through
What and how their previous communication had been like
Fate vs faith/believe - some resign to fate or not going to be better
Stereotype- just one and same kind of thinking.

I do believe we have have some.level of baggage, however what are you willing to accommodate?
You can help get your would be partner to the "feet" again in your communication without exactly drowning yourself.

Be open, and unless you are a catholic priest, remember "It is not good for man to dwell alone"

Take my cue, and look at the windows again, as see how it goes.
Gerald Ford Ehis.

Try noticing what in yourself is begging to be healed. Sometimes we notice it in others first. Projections.
Denial. there is no such thing as perfect. Someone who you feel completely comfortable being you in all your authentic imperfection is the way to go. feel your body. Notice it. And how it feels. it’s a remarkable compass.

Interesting post on a job site. Maybe they are depressed because of work.

whomever you just be happy. life is very short, but keep in mind everyone has a baggage just a matter of time