It’s been 20 days since my final interview with a Big 4 firm, and the wait is killing me. My friends say these HR departments are notoriously slow, but I’m worried I missed a step. Do accounting recruiters usually take this long to update candidates, or should I send a polite follow-up email to the hiring manager? I don’t want to seem desperate, but I'd like some kind of answer.

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I don’t think you got it

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This. When we are excited, we move quickly.

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20 days of silence is a long time. I’d reach out to the recruiter and reiterate how excited you are about the opportunity and ask if they’ll have an update before the holidays

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We are notoriously slow (I'm a B4 partner), and it is the holiday period. That being said, send a follow-up and ask. 3 weeks is a bit longer than I would expect.

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You should reach out before the holiday break and try to get an update. It doesn't sound good, however. A lot of organizations these days will just ghost people, and that may be what has happened in your case.

I hate to say it, but you should move on from that. Send a follow-up if it makes you feel better, but silence for 20 days means very unlikely you are being considered.

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